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Moving from an outdated physical disease model of mental illness to a more relational mental health practice
Moving from an outdated physical disease model of mental illness to a more relational mental health practice
1,415 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 1415 Newer› Newest»I couldn't understand, very well, your entry regarding the Austrian girl.
Yanis
The girl was seventeen year old. At that age she was dreaming that a young polite boy having some characters conceived in the mind of the girl would come sooner or later to her to take her to the dreamland that she had in her mind. Clear? What happened to the girl, then? Her father came instead with all un-holiness that he was carrying. The father raped her and conceived her with a child. Then the father buried her alive in a nuclear bunker underground and made the daughter the subject of an on going, never stopping rape. The dreamland of the girl was a grave, a sepulchre, a dungeon not could be seen from the outside world. Nobody could inspect it or believe that such a thing is happening just under their nose. The monster, the perpetrator who committed that crime, in this way isolated the girl from any competing institution of the world who might be eager to contact with the girl.
Carlo DJ
This girl was, indeed, much luckier than her children she brought to this world. She, at least had seen the outside world for few years. Her children had not that much of the luck. They opened their eyes in their grave. Do you believe this story that I tell you is delusion and contrary to the reality? It is reported by all known media of the world and you can go to Austria and talk with Austrian police and visit that bomb shelter and photograph. So if this computer in front of you is a lie then this story is also a lie. No, it is true whether you believe or not. Then that monster put his second generation also subject of his raping experiment to bring a new generation. Hence he was their father and their grandfather and their great grandfather and also husband of its own clan. Clear/
Carlo DJ
Now, those poor creatures were lacking sunshine and fresh air and proper food. They were lacking everything and they were lacking father or mother. Their father shouldn't be their father. Their mother couldn't and wouldn't be their mother. They were children of Muonium with the meaning in our context.
Carlo DJ
That monster was a good candidate to become a mind reader of humans. He has that capability. Perhaps he had some limited ability of reading the mind of those captivated by him and used that ability to neutralize any attempt and planning of the captivated creature for escape. This Austrian monster perhaps is the first or second generation in his species. Forty generation of such monster, if nurtured, become the pure Muonium. It takes one thousand years. it is the reason that they say at the end of each millennium apocalypse happens. 'Ahriman' returns. You can go to Austria and inspect that if that monster has got hoofs, or tail, or horns. You can watch if he has fiery eyes and claws and when he talks reptiles pouring out of his mouth and his body is like snake. You can see if he jumps backward in walking and can pass from the wall. When 'Ahriman' comes, that carrier of the most profane, [it] looks as if an ordinary person. 'Ahriman' is not a serial killer or sociopath or psychopath or a shrew and bad human. Simply, [it] is not a human at all. [It] is enemy of humans but it looks like a human. It is Muonium in this context.
Carlo DJ
The Austrian monster and doctor Shipman are examples of non fully-fledged instances of 'The Thing.' They still carry a tiny human part inside. They cannot invade the global mind of human beings. Such is when you feel vertigo. Only a tiny part is your enemy and urges you to jump. They all make the spectrum filled with the shades that you can recognize that there could be a full fledged one all filled only with the enemy of human specie.
Carlo DJ
Then I said that you could go and ask the Austrian daughter what is her idea regarding the monster. Does she believe that the monster had wit and used to talk sarcastic or used symbols and allegory in his communications and perhaps he wanted to create a protective safe environment and ask if the daughter could defend herself and protest for better services but couldn't convey her request in a proper, sociable and friendly manner and ask if she believed her confinement was just a prank and she should change and find the courage inside to break all imaginative walls and doors and get herself to the open, sunny society; Hmm?
Carlo DJ
Yes, she was imprisoned in her grave, but she didn't allow a merger happens; that the darkness penetrate in the world.
Carlo DJ
Today, TV news reporting that ministry of health had asked GP's to handle the problem of depression in elders with a range of therapies available and discover more cases. They believe most of the cases in elders are still undiscovered due to the fact that elders do not discuss it with their GP's. I couldn't find any range of all therapies for depression of young or old except to issue guardianship order for them and to drug those poor creatures who have worked fifty years for their nation and now should pass their finalising years in narcotised state. Sometimes you can see them very naked.
Carl DJ
Then, what was happening to the Austrian girl? At first days of her incarceration she couldn't believe what was going on. She was crying. She was shouting. She was attacking the monster, all with no avail. At the end she was becoming depressed; no, not depressed-amputated. She believed that she had been amputated from neck down. Besides, something swelling inside her, not inside her-inside the separated body, something unholy and profane. "They'll come and find me here, tonight or tomorrow and if not, in a week. They come and take him on the fork to the toilet and flush the dirt for good.” She was thinking so. Years passed and more of those miserable things swollen and came next to her to share that destiny with her and to be raped and bring more things into the underworld. Everyday she had ten thousands times moaning and begging for freedom and anger and deciding to annihilate her or planning to kill the monster and then frustration and acceptance of her unique reality and passing of all those phases of psychological overhauls that Dr Phil discusses among the cheering and applause and music and humour for reconciliation with life. Then she knew that she was the princess chained and guarded by the fire-spitting dragon and only in a story she might become freed and that dungeon was not any story. Everywhere it was closed. And nobody believes that the dragon actually does exist and is living under their noses. No Perseus was out there to save the chained girl from the dragon.
Carlo DJ
This article has many points to quote. For now,
"They note that institutions that promote identifying and fixing personal troubles have become progressively more prominent in the contemporary cultural landscape. Institutions that participate in discursively creating troubled selves include mental health professionals, recovery programs, self-help literature, pharmaceutical advertising, news coverage, television talk shows, illness advocacy organizations, and social services. An important consequence of this ubiquity of this "therapeutic ethos" (Irvine 1999) is that it encourages individuals to understand their lives in terms of deficiency and dysfunction, thereby making suffering a common "trope of identity" (Illouz 2004). This mentality is a breeding ground for a culture that supports perpetual identification as "disordered" (Kaminer 1992)."
J. Howard, Negotiating on Exit: Existential, Interactional, and Cultural Obstacles to Disorder Disidentification. Social Psychology Quarterly 2008, Vol. 71, No. 2, 177-192. American Sociological Association.
Carlo DJ
I had to wait for a while to pass the merger. I was comparing my situation with the situation of the Austrian girl confined in underground and was being raped by her so-called father. I said she had seen and tasted the outside world for a period of time, but her 'children' brought from the rape had not even that short period of freedom. It is a long story, perhaps will be written by the finest writers and poets of future about my daughter that is under a similar condition with those children. I stopped for the merger to pass since my daughter got her results. She had a conditional admission from lse if she gets three A's. Already she had regression from cambrigde. I knew they do not accept 'niagaras' except under specific conditions that I expand later. All these two years She had his works marked as part of the AS and from teacher as an A mark. Hence she had not any bad feedback to revise or study anything further. Now what was her final marks two A's and yes you can guess the third one was seventy-nine point three, three, three, three... You can divide four hundred and seventy-six by six then you see the result. With eighty she could go to lse. Now how? Among her papers there was one that it is very difficult to challenge the marking and the marker can ploy or manoeuvre a couple of marks up and down and the marker gave seventy-seven. Other marks are also like that multiples of eleven for example thirty-three out of forty. Well, she cried and cried. I was in a state of shock. I was shedding blood from my eyes when I was alone. After that day my craze has stepped out one level towards more catatonia. You should come and watch we three disaster-hit creatures. They prevent her from cambrigde and lse lest she gets some social status to make herself free. My daughter has come to world in the underground bunker. She is confined. She has not even one real relation in school wherever she works or lives. She has been wired and barb wired. The most profane, the most unholy of darkness that has detained us makes some movement to merge into the light when I write, say, about ‘The Collector’ to make the story of my detention a little sexy and sexed-up. My witness is my daughter. What about my daughter, (I cannot give the prosody and semantic required for this impression in a foreign language).
Manny Butterflies
I have not been outdoor for more than six months. I use to go walking around the block up to aerodrome nearby. It was some two and a half miles. Many days I could fast my pace at the ending half a mile and run near to training level of heartbeats, which was very refreshing for me. They harassed me until I became so frightened that I stopped to go out anymore. I have not heard the chirp of early morning birds, the chime that I have hanged in the little garden , the sound of next door waterfall feature in their garden, the noise of the crowd and children of the nearby school during the day. I have not had a holiday, or a drink or a dinner out. I have not had sex. When I kiss my wife the telephone rings and somebody pants. If I unplug the phone some body in the midnight comes and whistle or shouts under my window or shouts "navigator come on!" They rape me just at that time. My wife needs me. My daughter needs me. For the last father day I asked them to buy the ear plugging of pneumatic jackhammer people. You should see me with those ridiculous big red things on my ears walking around and at the dinner table. I preferred that to MP3 since the loud music has become very painful for me. For twenty years I haven't had any friend or visited anybody or have had any relation. Now in this confinement of glass prison I am passing towards the last years of my life while I cannot remember anything or anybody. In silence of the muffler I am becoming more and more stupid and useless, alone with a cat. My wife and my daughter and also I have converted to three dogs beaten and injured next to each other without knowing why such a disaster has happened to us and what was the benefit of that for anybody in the world.
Manny Butterflies
Now what about my purported mental illness? Five years ago when I protested to Dr Cubowitz in Iarpenden hospital that why he was concentrating on examining me and he complained from my complain to the head of the local surgery and that man telephoned to my wife blackmailing us that it is an odd behaviour, he wrongly got the impression (from the people in charge of my house detention) that blackmailing reduced my lunatic behaviour. He and other people lie the people who twenty years ago eagerly joined to this exciting scheme, never can follow up what happened next to me. I have been a timid, shy, polite person and never become rude with people and know what are my rights and my limits and it is not the feat or effect of blackmail that keeps in my position. Conversely those have changed me to a silent traumatized dog, socially completely dysfunctioned.
Manny Butterflies
Many years ago I wrote that It is impossible for the perpetrators of such an abuse to my life and life of my family to publish it as a scientific experiment. Somehow I am sure about that. I read a book about giving tokens and different cruelties done to mentally ill people with great outcomes and efficacy and efficiency and well-being and loads of nonsense. Where are those mentally ill people and where are those great healers. {It] also said that [it} publish this story for a change to better. It was five years ago, and change to better does not happen. Why the angry toddler does not change to an older child? all toddlers of that time now go to high school why the toddlers of psychiatry never steps even into a kindergarten level? Next I tell you the story of "change for better"
Carlo DJ
When I was in my former native country my friend was consultant at a Uni-hospital. He told me one day when he looked very traumatized, story that had happened in the intensive care ward for a patient who died the previous night. He had moved due to chest pain from emergency rescue unit to intensive care. In the middle of the night he goes to toilet and his heart arrests. In a minute the entire ward rush to his rescue. But there is a small recklessness. The cubicle door opens inward and the heavy body of the patient hurdles opening the door and all those valuable minutes that modern engineering has created for the doctors, waste in breaking the door with all possible means. The patient wouldn't come back to life. I told him tell the families that door had been designed wrongly perhaps they raise the issue. He said "muerto!" -If somebody talks he would be dead. I told him, "Well you should be used to death of patients as a doctor." He angrily grabbed neck of my shirt shouted that a human never becomes used to death of people.
Carlo DJ
What was related to "change for better?" If it change for the worse then who becomes informed? The very ordinary doctors say that the death or improvement of any patient is in the hands of God. They say the patient was beyond any help and they only did their best that could be their worst. Who goes and asks et al. that what happened then after his token economy? (Perhaps the son or grand son of the famous British psychologist- with the same family name) I read his book that token economy is not fashion anymore and three quarters of American psychologist or psychiatrists are now following cognitive therapy. He believes nature behaves according to voting of American psychologists. They wanted to enlighten me here when they recently started that cueing behaviour with me five years ago that it is cognitive behaviourist humanistic approach for eliminating my symptoms. They pretended that it is a civilised way of informing the patient of the method that they use for me. They believed I was so bright and knowledgeable that among hints and cues I understand what is cognitive behaviourist humanist method of glass family oriented prison is but I am not as bright to understand that it is nominalist approach of scholastics of middle ages who believed whatever that has a name has existence hence Almighty exists. (Can you disprove it?)
Carlo DJ
This makes my previous arguments regarding inmates of the super-max prison in US more clear. You said, Yanis, that they are tolerating the consequences of their own choices. The man who was injuring himself and they took him chained to the nurse for wound caring, the inmate that was shown in the documentary, attacked the most innocent, caring vulnerable person, a female overweight nurse, with his still free unchained head, his only available weapon. I saw a lion in a zoo cornered in the cage; well it was spacious enough to be fair. He was separated from the watching crowd by bars covered with chicken net to prevent people throwing food or other things to him and a couple of yards distance an iron rail to keep the distance for people to stand. He suddenly jumped and grabbed the nets and with all might urinated on people there were children and adults, cruel and kind undifferentiated he served them. Why? They make the fencing double for him.
Carlo DJ
Perhaps, Yanis, you can remember I said that my father and my ancestors are from a city that its people are famous for being very mild and very hard working and thrift. And I said if they go to somewhere else and somebody quarrel with them and tells them abusive words, they come to their own home, close the doors and with a low voice pretending being ready to fight say, "you yourself are those bad things!" But I forgot to say that his wife tells him, "man keep it calm! We may have to pay blood-money to their family!" She is frightened that in this way quarrel continues and his husband kills the opponent and they have to pay money for manslaughter in the fight. This is situation of my wife and me.
Carlo DJ
Before I become house bound like this five years ago we planned to bring his brother here to get his degree with our expenses and becomes our son since he was very younger than us. Our daughter was also growing and our flat would become smaller and smaller. The interest rate was at its rock bottom. Hence we moved to a house with an spare room to bring his brother. But a year after we moved my situation in social harassment became so intolerable that it was impossible for anybody to live in my house. When his brother came, he went straight to university dorms and then to rented room. Also when her old parents come. This delicate soul who is not allowed even to become ill and has been bent under the loans caring alone for the life of our daughter, her brother, her parents, caring for me should pay thousands of pounds for maintaining my isolation. Then they want to publish these things for a change to better. You might think that I cannot cope with other people or establish good relation with others and it’s my own fault. You should think about previous anecdote I wrote about my mildness. Before I become socially harassed in this way, it was in year two thousand and one, my wife's mother (that people here call rubbish bag- in my native place they call the wife's mother secretary of state for the war). One hundred days in a small flat with all caring and talking and serving and cooking with each other and spending money for her and taking her to shopping and holidays and restaurants. I have many videos from that time showing it. Also by some chance I have an ancient video that in their house they and other people were harassing me and how much I was polite and under control behaving with their rude inhuman behaviour. At that time they were told that it was something that greatest foreigner scientists approved and would be finished very soon. The producer of the video was the only person, besides my wife, who were not informed. They had become sure that he might reveal the secret. They didn't believe that the video would survive and might remain as a document of excellent psyche of mortal body of Messiah. Recently I have converted it to a DVD and future psychiatrists might watch it to see if according to laws of any country such a person might be diagnosed with any remarkable symptoms to be detained in this way.
Carlo DJ
You know what they have been said? They are told that if they show ingratitude and humiliation with respect to me it is good for me. Who can believe such a wise advice? Perhaps you might say that I humiliate people for giving service to them. Sadly for the audience it is not the case.
Carlo DJ
I should correct that I used possessive pronoun "his" in few places to refer to my wife. It should be corrected to "her" though not much out of context in my situation. I am a housewife and she works out of house. There is also a Messianic secret in that.
Carlo DJ
In satanic rituals of human sacrifice the victim is injured as a sign of menstruation. (The mummy in British museum discovered in Britain is believed to be a human sacrifice killed in that way, if I can remember now.)We said that in some primitive rituals men injure in a yearly ceremony their genitals as a sign of male menstruation from the matriarchy stage of society. Abraham changed that to yearly ritual of sacrificing an animal. Sarah or Hagar had to stone a statue of Satan instead of stoning and injuring a human sacrifice. After that people became children of their fathers instead of children of their uncles. Abraham kept his sons for himself instead of sacrificing them. Hence he became father of all. Abram himself was child of no father. He was child of his uncle. Moses (means the roadside waif) and Jesus and Mohammad also were without father. We expand later. That video I mentioned I have is document such a ritual in, well; it was twenty century in that time. If you have not seen Jesus sufferings you can watch that.
Carlo DJ
Moses means taken from water.
Yanis
Yes, at that place people used canals and waterways for transport, like Venice. If a girl had somehow a child that shouldn’t she would put it in a sealed carriage in one of those canals in a hope that some kind person might re-salvage the newly born child. Those children would be named Moses. They were taken from water, not from a father. No good manager, such as Egyptian employers would order to kill his future workers, that is, the sons of poor classes. Only zealot people would kill a son from an unknown relationship. Other parts of the story fits.
This version of story has never mentioned or sited or written or told anywhere. It is that only Messiah knows it who is the same texture reborn.
Carlo DJ
Now, don't worry. The other two were similar. The second one is explicit. The last one as Messiah narrated only. Nobody with even smallest clan, or family even the poorest or weakest can become the target of human sacrifice for "Ahriman", that muonium, that mind reader, that pure voice. Even a poor family will feel pity and neutralise it for their children. He should be a family-less possible target. The secret is that which comes to earth that the other comes. That carrier of most unholy, the most foul and profane comes to earth that Messiah comes to fight it. Its dialectic is written in this way: when Messiah comes then the most profane comes to reveal Him. Since the contradiction brings the existence out of equator of being and non-being.
Carlo DJ
Wait a minute. I am a bit confused about here and there, when ans where, she and he, you and them. make them clear, please.
Yanis
Yes, but now I am busy a bit.
Carlo DJ
Well, I should clear the ambiguity you have regarding "where and when." You can remember I said that I had an experience of persecution and catch22 when I was in my former native country and I started to feel that after I married twenty years ago. My experience started like this that people uses hinting phrases or cue words and they mean me and they mean to annoy me in some way; to make me frightened, to make me angry and annoyed and to make me hopeless of doing anything and to make a fun out of me. All that started by very powerful elements such that I felt that the government and politics and their purported morality were involved and I became dog hell scared to death. I have described this experience as "showing me the phallus of the ruler." It became very intensified in the beginning of 1990, when I had got my daughter a month before in December. Hence, there was this little miserable hostage in their hands. If anybody in future would like to research on the truth of my story, they should consider this great fact.
The second part was that at the same time I felt being persecuted. When they threw me out of the government position then I went to private sector where there were many secular non-government affiliated people working under me. I noticed that those who were zealot religious workers try to annoy me and show truancy with the similar cues I already had experienced from people around in government sector. In this way that delusion that I was being persecuted by government, religious, moral and zealot people became solid in my soul. Hence, I became more frightened of the "phallus of ruler" as a powerful mighty will that can continue its persecution even if I am being paid by the others and I am surrounded by "their" agents, at anytime, any place. Clear?
Carlo DJ
The best possible time for treating "schizophrenia"-if any chance of it- is when the sufferers have got their first child.
Yanis
I'll keep that fact in my mind. Now my daughter is eighteen and I have been treated and they continue my very effective useful benefiting treatment on her. Let me continue on my story. Shut the f***ing non-sense up.
Carlo DJ
Let me talk about objective, real tangible outcomes in my life and in my mood and behaviour and everything rather than et al publications.
One objective thing I got in my mind, the first hologram I received in my mind and I recognised it as an 'out of context, synchronized with the flow of my mind at that moment' the very first one, was phallus of the ruler. Yes, this is the truth.
I have to elaborate. Now, it was 1993 and I was still in my former native country. I gradually had become mad dog and wouldn't talk with anybody. I knew myself a criminal of some sort, political moral idiot something being persecuted and socially punished in that way without any right of appeal in a barbaric ‘a-fatwa’ absentee procedure. I had many acquaintances among powerful people; even one of them was head of Supreme Court for a period of time. I had approached some of the lower ranks and they had disappointed me in the same way. What if I could contact the ruler himself? I started to figure out and see how can I contact him. At this stage I noticed the cueing hints changed to a friendly manner implying indirectly that all these are doing under “his” supervision and direct observation of operations, since they have recognised my value similar to “Alex Tolstoy” during 1930’s and they want to help me for some non-important stress and soon I’ll join in a very good position to the remaining of the society. These hints become more and more intensified until it was sometimes, in the autumn of 1993, I was in a bus going from my hostel (dorm?) to the construction site, I was figuring out in an elated mood, “ah, so, not bad at the end of the day, kittens can spend more …” suddenly I got the out of context, shameful hologram in my mind: phallus of the ruler, I am having it as a dream like while I was awake. When I was at lunchtime in the canteen I couldn’t bite a banana after my meal. I separated it by little pieces and put it in my mouth. I still do it in that way. There are much more details about these intensifications I leave them if I can live and tell them to a powerful writer or sketch them in this basic way.
I said hologram. We do not know how things are staged in memory and their remembrance. I learned this word, hologram, from a teacher of parapsychology in Washington University, and a gang of lunatics also believe in that. That CIA or some similar authorities have electronic devices that can send radio waves and read contents of minds of some people and they also can send holograms modulated on radio waves to your mind. As already I said, I do not have such ideas. I only use that word with the meaning that I have described here. It is like remembering something without colour as a dream and out of context of flow of your mind very startling and frightening. Hence, “the phallus of the ruler” is very objective. It is consistent with my Grand Unified Theory, regarding human sacrifice. You should accept his erection and offer your backward bow genuinely, not as cheating. Cheating means you have your phallus erected in a way that [It] becomes schemed and leave you to live.
Carlo DJ
You can remember that already I explained that none of these I say means political in a sense that in average you might understand. I do not say "phallus of government or establishment" or dictators or authoritarian or liberal or any such thing or economic ways of living. My Grand Unified Theory is ontological. It is talking about some phenomen, not some nomen. Phallus of ruler is related to the question "Why RNA molecules create a copy, a replica of themselves?" "Why the cold above do not meet the heat under to achieve its thermodynamical goal?" "Why this thin layer of tent is propped up to protect the frail, easily breakable spoiled children of life?"
Carlo DJ
I understood that "Ahriman" can convey [Its] content or [Its] cues to my mind, as [It] already could convey them in my sleeping in shape of lucid out of context dreams of horror and never-ending nightmares. By intensification in outer earthy world [It] could convince me that they are from [It]. For example, when I received that aforementioned hologram, people who were working in the office of the construction site were talking together as "they do not how these shameful thoughts come to THEIR minds regarding banana." Or "THEY bite IT like a banana." "Yes, the fruit bat eats banana well" and such things such that I could grasp firmly that they were talking about me.
Carlo DJ
Another story is the story of my "girl friend." I was working far from my wife and my daughter. I was in the lowest mood and spirit due to these annoying harassments. It was three days that I hadn't gone to the canteen for any food to avoid hearing cues usually becoming intensified at the time of eating. I was sitting in my room in the hostel playing patience game with cards. The waiter knocked and came in with a big round tray of foods and Kebabs and drinks and plombier and baklava, said that the site executive has sent this tray when he noticed I was not in canteen for dinner. I had the dinner. Then boys came in with cards started to play and talking about “a marriage” and calling me “the bridegroom” and that “that I should sleep with a girl” and laughing. Meanwhile, they gave cues that "the executive couldn't decide for dinner. He was nobody, comparing to one who has ordered the dinner " such that they make believe that an all mighty entity in charge of my "operation" knows that I hadn't food for three days. I skip a stage here. I noticed it right now. That night I dreamed that I was with my wife and I woke up wet. I believed it was for the sudden filling of stomach. During the day, everybody was talking about a joke regarding bringing water (of, for) deputy manager by the chef. That has both meaning, perhaps like in English language. I only laughed. I still couldn’t believe how they might be informed about my wet dream. Those wet dreams with my wife repeated again and again. They used strong cues such as “WE noticed the boy is becoming naughty and water has pressured the dam, hence WE tapped it out.” I had laughed with a female colleague or had appreciated a young a woman during the day. I used to tell me the phrase from the Ray Bradbury’s Silver Locust, “Just suppose!” “How? Perhaps all days I am under hypnosis and talk without knowing. There is no nonsense such as telepathy and mind reading.” They started to say, “Just suppose!” in between their cues. I said to me, “I believe they are a group of very learned scientists, have checked my books and writings when I had been far from home.” Gradually I accepted that those dreams including all nonsense I had dreamed during last few years are from an unknown source beyond my own mind. I used to interpret them as a mystical stage in my life at that age of around forty-year-old. They said, “Americans are coming with a Nissan Patrol taking you from the nearby dirt strip to their warships and interviewing with reporters you can revenge your sufferings!” That was what I had daydreamed to revenge. I became horrified such that almost after that time I have not talked with anybody except in an automatic crazy mood. Once that lucid dreams and wet dreams became confirmed in my mind as originated from “that” source a new misery added to my miseries. I had got a “girl friend.” Next time it was not my wife anymore. I dreamed of my “real mother” in oral sex. I had her picture in my mind from an old photograph that I had. During the first day I heard cues like this, “last night MY girl friend brought my water.” I still didn’t beat me at that time and didn’t know what to do out of “anger, immense sadness, hatred, fear, frustration and hopelessness.” I wanted just to tear my clothes. I should go into the foreigners’ canteen and shout; “They do it to me because I know they are making bomb and I didn’t join them!” Next day the German officer of Safety said in the meeting, “A-bomb” said in a way as “An a-bomb” and continued, “has been found in the site and the place is cordoned today.” There was a cordon. From that time I have a “girl friend.” If I look to a female or think about it with appreciation and god forbid flirt with a woman, Ahriman brings my girl friend in oral sex and that happens according to discern of Ahriman couple of times in a week. At the beginning, people used to mention the next morning, “…Because the aircraft became naughty going up and down we reduced its fuel.” Aircraft was a name they used to call me as a cue that I understand it as my own name. “If it is good with women of others do it with your mother.” Last day I was watching partially among my kitchen works “The Case of Stranglers” in TV. In a place it said, “…they sodomized …” It attracted my attention. Hence at night I had to sodomize my “girl friend.”
Carlo DJ
You respectable audience who live here and believe those has happened in a barbaric environment and here honourable stables of donkeys do not endorse such things should know that it is documented that “The Impostor” here had arranged to change my girl friend to a new one. Yes, it was the night before the graduation day 2003 or 2002. I can’t remember offhand since I have lost the notion of years, but I can look into the calendar and relate dates and confirm it. I had a lucid dream that I was showing it and say, “It is a sausage. It is sausage.” And I woke up with extreme agony. At the lunchtime, after graduation ceremony my wife and we were looking for a place to have lunch in St Ablans. A lady with her little eight-ten year-old daughter chasing me loudly shout at her daughter, “I buy you SAUSAGE” and keep repeating. I started to transmit the harassment to my wife in the way that she is familiar in years and has suffered much. “Let’s go this little dirty coffee shop and have food!” The lady came in shouting for sausage. “No, let’s go somewhere else!” The lady came out. In the next place. “… sausage,…, sausage,…” In the next place, again the lady came in. We sat. The lady and child sat. The waitress came. I said, “Please serve that lady first!” She is hungry! The werewolf is hungry waiting to suck the blood of human. Again the woman shout, “..sausage…” I asked my wife to leave immediately and she became mad dog angry cursing me. We went to a pub and I drank and drank till I felt a little calm. When you discover dragon you should ask yourselves what other arts [It] might have. Well, so far I am with the same old girl friend.
Carlo DJ
I wanted not to jump from a time and a place to another time and place, but the flow of story forced me. So consider the last comment in a bracket.
The video I mentioned that have been recorded belongs to 1992-3 and in my former native country and I was so fat in appearance that is startling for me at this time. Altogether at that time they wanted me to look more frenzy, disorganised, symptomatic, pyknic type, and hypochondriac. In their cues, “WE do not eliminate symptoms. WE burn the roots of BICYCLING. WE are making the building. You do the cosmetic decoration.” Later when we get to the part that I experience here in this country, you will see that their intervention is based, apparently on the manifestations observed by my students here not based on the roots. Hence they amplified any symptoms conceivable and at the same time they blackmailed me to death lest I do not contact in a formal way with The General Attorney and judicial system of the country enquiring formally what was going on with me and who has issued such a power intervention based on what crime and logic and if any psychiatrist in the country has any record of such an intervention in the history of country and who has allowed total access to me and to my family. On the other hand many would approach me asking me to go abroad in a way that make me believe that my rescue is in escaping to abroad. And it was beginning of 1994. I had understood at that time, as I explained earlier that a Dr Laing in England lives and if I go and complain to him since et al wouldn’t hide themselves and their mind reading from him, he would convince them to leave my family and me alone with our lunacy. I believed they have published all details of the dragon and their sensitive critical experiment on me on top of the international journals and as the poor Dr Laing is reading them and is aware of the latest breakthroughs he knows about my life, but they are cheating and do not tell him that what has happened to me and how miserable life has changed for me. I also devoured and chewed the great masterpiece of David Inglby, this honourable and honest man written with a group of other people such that I can instruct my lawyer with reasoning when we go to liberal court of England together with Dr Laing and others as witness against et al. The court that we had heard is more free than your mother milk and frequently has voted against his own country. My earthly body at that time hadn’t any notion of Messiah.
Carlo DJ
Anti-social behaviour a mental illness: Study
Agencies
Posted: Sep 30, 2008 at 1654 hrs IST
London, September 30: Unruly behaviour may be a form of mental illness linked to chemical imbalance, suggests a study, which could help to design new treatments for the problem.
The research at Britain’s Cambridge University indicated that a reduced level of the stress hormone cortisol could be linked to anti-social behaviour of a person.
Led by Graeme Fairchild and Professor Ian Goodyer, scientists at Cambridge believe the hormone enhances memory formation and is thought to help people regulate their emotions, particularly violent impulses.
“If we can figure out precisely what underlies the inability to show a normal stress response, we may be able to design new treatments for severe behaviour problems. We may also be able to create targeted interventions for those at higher risk,” Fairchild was quoted as saying by the British tabloid ‘Evening Standard’ on Tuesday.
“A possible treatment for this disorder offers the chance to improve the lives of both the adolescents who are afflicted and the communities in which they live,” he stressed.
Levels of cortisol in the body usually increase when people undergo a stressful experience, such as public speaking, sitting an exam, or having surgery. It enhances memory formation and is thought to make people behave more cautiously and to help them regulate their emotions, particularly their temper and violent impulses.
The new research, funded by the Wellcome Trust, shows that adolescents with severe antisocial behaviour do not exhibit the same increase in cortisol levels when under stress as those without antisocial behaviour. These findings suggest that antisocial behaviour, at least in some cases, may be seen as a form of mental illness that is linked to physiological symptoms (involving a chemical imbalance of cortisol in the brain and body).
The scientists, led by Dr Graeme Fairchild and Professor Ian Goodyer, recruited participants for the study from schools, pupil referral units, and the Youth Offending Service. Samples of saliva were collected over several days from the subjects in a non-stressful environment to measure levels of the hormone under resting conditions. The young men then took part in a stressful experiment that was designed to induce frustration. Samples of saliva were taken immediately before, during and after the experiment to track how cortisol changed during stress.
The differences between participants with severe antisocial behaviour and those without were most marked under stressful conditions. While the average adolescents showed large increases in the amount of cortisol during the frustrating situation, cortisol levels actually went down in those with severe antisocial behaviour.
These results suggest that antisocial behaviour may be more biologically-based than previously considered, just as some individuals are more vulnerable to depression or anxiety due to their biological make-up.
Dr Fairchild said, "If we can figure out precisely what underlies the inability to show a normal stress response, we may be able to design new treatments for severe behaviour problems. We may also be able create targeted interventions for those at higher risk.
"A possible treatment for this disorder offers the chance to improve the lives of both the adolescents who are afflicted and the communities in which they live."
According to a Home Office research study, almost three-quarters of antisocial behaviour orders are given to offenders under the age of 21. Responding to reports of antisocial behaviour costs the government approximately £3.4 billion per year.
And I did all these, not for my own comfort, but only for the comfort of these two lasses. My only wish is that that shame and dishonour that came to my wife and my daughter to be cleared. And Messiah will do that
Carlo DJ
The sufferings of Austrian girl I mentioned earlier is very similar to sufferings of Jesus Christ: buried alive. Why she is not Messiah. Well, she is a peg of the thin tent nurturing the life. She is a pole keeping sky above us, but she is not, yet, Messiah. She could sleep and wet dream of the polite young boys who should come ahead. She could daydream of the Nissan Patrol that comes to rescue her to the nearby aerodrome. She could plan to kill one who was forcing her to commit incest instead of flirting with strangers. We have in good news that Messiah comes when people all commit incest. All women sleep with women. All men sleep with men. (I don’t mean gays or lesbians, as some simple minded may believe. They are not a fraction of a percent of all population. I mean, EVERYBODY.) They do not allow my daughter gets a boyfriend. They have a candidate for her: a fiancé, a known boyfriend. Polite boys come and rape Messiah who is actually their father. They rape the honour of my daughter that, in the incest plot of the ‘Ahriman’, is their mother.
Carlo DJ
Why do you use capital letters for some quoted pronouns, I wonder? Capital letters mean shouting.
Yanis
I explain them later. You might be interested that when I was doing house works and TV was on why the word "sodomise" attracted my attention. Definitely, not because it was sex related. Few years ago I wanted to use it here and you can find it. I noticed that such a word wouldn't exist in dictionary, at all. You cannot make such a verb. You should say, "committing a sodomy." I was lazy and used it in a hope to be condoned due to the fact that it is not my native language. Suddenly, when I heard it from the TV, I felt being bright for extrapolating a reckless colloquialism. I still try to learn new things in foreign language, just like when I was seventeen, forty years ago. This was an academic point attracted my attention, but as I said I paid it with sex. On the other hand, here I said "my native language." I should say "mother tongue." I cannot use this academic phrase, because as I explained earlier, "mother tongue" has been converted to the tool of my "raping" sex. I am being raped in that way. You wonder? This is the meaning of apocalypse. Everything becomes upside down.
Carlo DJ
It is bizzare and delusions. These things that you say. Your dreams are just some dreams that fade away-they should-when you start the day.
Yanis
Yes, they are bizarre and should disappear during the day. You always should assume that these writings are delusion, but if you believed them or you could find a way to find out and believe them without being visited by 'Ahriman' then your world will shake. I have been seeing those dreams for years and I got strong cues from my social environment that they have an external source out of my own dreams. For example I dream a long story and if accidentally I wake up and after an hour I go to sleep, I might see continuation of that nightmare. Or I see cues regarding my last year dream or last night dream. When I see my so-called girl friend in my dream then [It] refers as if it is a usual meeting and as usual I should do it. The most interesting thing is that when [The Thing] wants to talk in the hearing voices way, then I wake up. Even in my dream, I do not allow ‘the merger’ happens. Hence, when I want to kiss my wife in the middle of the night somebody in the outer world near to my window, shouts a cueing phrase such as, “Common Jesus!” and prevents me to feel safe and free and unwatched, and when I sleep disappointed of kissing my wife, I wet-dream of my mentioned girl friend and just when I wake up somebody again shouts outside of my window, “Did you enjoy?” This is visualization of what happens to me. It could be delusion or reality. It is visualized in this way.
Carlo DJ
You also asked me why I use capital letters when referring to THEM, or when I am quoting THEM. The people who are hearing voices in their minds, know that the voice is not he or she or we or they, nor you can call [It], YOU. [It] has not any human or animal reference. [It] has not name, place, or time. You make a mistake, confusing [it] with a human because [it] is connected to your mind and freely steal your words. Words at the beginning were with you and “you” were words. Then [it] came and started to nick them. When you are hearing voices, there are “you” fighting with a voice. You are “existing” there and fighting and conflicting. You, the words, are there. And voices are cracks in your mind. What happens if in a human body no words come to existence and only remains the voices? That thirsty snake begins to search for water, for the words. Inside [Its] body [It] cannot find the words to jump from this word to the next one. [It] is like a parasite and goes and attaches to another human mind. There [It] can read the mind of [Its] host and spoils the human mind. I have been hearing voices in the society, just like hearing voices with dirty, demeaning remarks, swears and curses referring to my life and being, making me hell dog mad, shouting, uncomfortable, frenzy, frustrated and [It] has been omnipresent, everywhere, at any time, any situation. For this reason I cannot refer to [its] source with a human reference. For the source I use straight brackets [ ] taken from chemistry. When [It] is plural I make THEM capital letters.
Carlo DJ
You said they did not make symptomps better. Which symptomps, what were they?
Yanis
I was here under twenty-eight days monitor in an internationally known institution (Shenley Street). They didn't recognize any serious or unserious symptoms. So they left me to go home. After a year when I had moved to this part the London GP had sent a report to the nearby QE hospital here. Psychiatrist there interviewed for two hours with me and he was writing all the details very carefully. Before I was with two psychiatrists in the human rights organization supporting tortured people in Lentish Town. They didn't report any symptoms. Only they reported me as that I believed that I was being persecuted by an unidentified entity that can read my mind. They talked for long hours with me. Even after a year or two that the voice became a constant all the time speech I visited one of them, Dr Zomerfeld. I even had not that craze. We talked for an hour and I was very serious. Only that he was surprised I could work fourteen hours a day. Not only that, he said that he couldn’t believe an “asylum seeker” could find a job and paying for mortgage. Of course, he meant a mentally ill. QE doctor was also surprised that I was working fourteen hours a day. He asked me if I really could repair one of those computers in his office. This Grant Hardy once was supposed to build a-bomb.
Manny Butterflies
Then why did you quote them as, “WE do not eliminate symptoms. WE burn the roots of BICYCLING. WE are making the building. You do the cosmetic decoration.” So you had some symptoms and wanted them to eliminate those symptoms (and perhaps escape with a sick personality), but they believed the structure of your personality was sick and they should demolish that structure and its roots and then rebuild it. Then remains the facade of your behaviour with some on-the-surface-symptoms, that you were supposed to suppress them easily yourself, similar to decoration of a building which is simple comparing to building the structure. What do you have to say?
Yanis
Excellent! For all saints sake you got it concisely. By the way you missed something. If they become questioned they might add that by pretending that symptoms are of no interest to them they wanted to extinguish them. Hmm? This the way that et al write papers.
Carlo DJ
Ah, I wanted to say that. I forgot. Do you read my mind?
Yanis
Regarding symptoms, you can remember that I said that my own real biography in this story is not of any significance. Yes, I like to write that biography such that you appreciate how much it is consistent with the later life of Messiah. I said in the story of “The Collector,” and “Ace in the Hole,” that the biographies of victims have not anything to do with what the predators did to them. Story begins from the point that they become trapped in the net of hunters. Then the flesh eaters justify their actions when they are in power for the powerless prey, as if he is the reason for being captured. There were no symptoms or any sick personality: just an average s.o.b, similar to other mother f**kers living together there.
Carlo D
So it is now for more than sixteen years that I am having those lucid wet dreams of the mentioned "Girl Friend." When I sleep alone or next to my wife, or when I am ill and exhausted, or I am healthy; every week I see them with a colour of punishment for attention to something in society, or newspaper, or TV, or just passing from my mind. And here in this society they wanted to change the "Girl Friend's image" to a new one, a more painful one with the help of intensification by the so-called community. And I have other lucid nightmares also in the menu: such as being drawn in very big toilets or into the sewerage, being shot in the face. I had lucid dreams calling my little four-year-old a prostitute that I should take her to the “Temple of high morality” (Name of aMosque in my native city) and cover her by scarf (what I didn’t like) if I wanted ‘them’ to leave my family. In this way, I wrongly would attribute those operations to a legal moral authority of the country, since they are pretentious to such thing. I had dreams that I lose my daughter or she fells from high buildings and I wail and woe. I would wake up and start to beat myself in the bed. Then my wife jumped up astonished that what has happened. I used to beg her, “Please wake me up randomly at any time when you toss and role on your sides.” But she never did. She used to say that she felt pity for my suffered soul to wake me up when she beheld my calm, noble face sleeping. Then I would become mad dog angry swearing her parents. She didn’t know what do. When we wanted to kiss each other and suddenly somebody would whistle or shouting a word, I’d shout “Mother f***kers!” (That includes an extra taboo word in my language in a more hooligan shade) such that he can hear outside, she’d jump on me put her hands on my ears kissed me fiercely such that I couldn’t shout. That used to remind me Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis, “I’ll smother thee with thousands of kisses!” Then I would go to sleep to see more of those scenes. The big difference is that, there, the people never involved police or any authority though I was behaving so shouting and abusive. They were advised not to do that and only retort my foul mouth with similar retaliation. Most of people knew it cruel to answer back a lunatic in front of her wife and child. The people didn’t know the reason. If they wanted to involve the police, the issue could be stretched further than the limit of justification of such an operation in that country and its usual practice. If you show your tool in the street out of the lunacy nobody calls a police, people laugh and throw a coin for you. With the background that I had and knew every corner of the police and legal system and scores of people that I could plea the perpetrator could fell [itself] in the trouble and become transpired. For example, in their book, an explicit verse asks believers to use a polite and kind language when talking to a lunatic (And this acquaintance with legal system is messianic-apocalyptic; I am surprised of dialectic of my life and its consistency with Messiah life.) So [it] allowed me to believe that the perpetrator was the government and I should not search for the reason behind it, but I should escape to abroad where a safe burrow had been prepared for [it] to consume my soul and ovulate [its] zoospores on my paralysed being.
Carlo DJ
So you were bullying people through your familiarity with the law.
Yanis
You understand it in that way. But I meant, meanwhile, to tell something else, too. Here, when I felt very ill and frustrated I went to that human rights organization on my own choice. I used to take my wife everywhere with me to make her familiar with this society. We were both at home and we used to go around. She had not any complaint and could not and would not go anywhere on her own; the oriental (?) woman living under harsh condition and Stockholm syndrome. We both were victims of abuse and were waiting for a helping hand. She was not in that full command of English language (although was pupil of a foreign school at our home town) to engage in such things. Then I complained to my Holders Green GP, I mentioned earlier, since I was not familiar with this country practice. I believed he would prescribe some diazepam if I tell him I was beating me savagely out of stress as it could happen in my native country doctors. I told him, "My wife is suffering much from my situation!" He said he already has the letter from Lentish Town organization reporting that I believed that “they” that is, an unidentified agency, had put a radio in my dental fillings (I had asserted such thing). Then my GP said that he believed I should go somewhere to rest for a while. I asked him if I could take my family with me. He said that perhaps I could, but should come that afternoon with my wife to the surgery to meet some people who are more expert than him in the affairs. That afternoon I went to GP and told him that my wife was at the college and couldn't come to hear "good news" of our holiday. He said that I should return home and wait for those people to come and visit me at home. Later when I plead to tribunal for my incarceration I heard that it has been reported that my wife was suffering from my behaviour at home and had asked doctors to intervene. She had not any notion of these things at that time. They had misreported my own wordings. I told to tribunal that it was wrong and my wife didn't complain to anybody and it was my own initiative for a wrong delusion about my environment. They looked to each other since they never could believe defence of a lunatic as a correct, valid story. In contrast, my wife and my daughter suffered a very intolerable period of their lives being alone and without support and help of the man of the family in a completely alien, strange and unfamiliar society. We had not even a telephone line such that they can talk with me. They had to go to a public telephone booth and wait in cold weather until I succeed to call them. I also used to write one letter everyday for them. They were very far from my detention place and had to pay much for every visit to me and they couldn’t miss any allowed visit under any condition. Bringing my little daughter in the ward had safety concerns and they should provide a locked room for our visits. (Ah, woe and wail, my little daughter didn’t know what a danger threat her in this country. It was not mentally ill. It is the psychiatry institution of this country that is threat to her. She has to wait for permission of psychiatry even for being kissed by a boy. She has a separate story. Messiah rains fire on them. We’ll see.)
But there could be something, they might have observed. I had complained that a remote entity puts words in stream of my thoughts suddenly and out of context of my thoughts. I had noticed in the ward that native lunatics sit together, two of them, three, or four, or with carers and nurses talk, chatting about everything, like neighbours who visit each other. They sit and watch the half broken TV and enjoy any program. TV was at a height. You could not select any program that you like. I couldn’t watch or understand TV in that situation. I should sit in silence and watch the programs that I could understand easily with clear sound and picture. I could not play cards with them. They talk and laugh and play. I should be careful about prosody and catch and punch of the unprepared speech and weight and intonation and accent of words. It increases my stress instead of helping me. So I had to sit and try to read under catatonia of drug. When it was end of the period ward-round, I said these things to prove that I should go and live next to my family. But that remote entity believed that I was in “negative hostile strike” and actually didn’t want to socialize with people and was making this story to cheat the doctors and intrigue them to release me. Hence decided to betray me in front of them. When I was busy to say these things and I got to the phrase that “I cannot chat with those people.” [It] changed it to, “I cannot cheat…” [It] meant, since I was under [its] control and total access I wouldn’t not be able and have the capacity to cheat anybody. I stopped suddenly for couple of second. Then I said that I meant that I could not chat with people and my situation improves if I’d be next to my family. Later I learned that native speakers actually say, “cheat chat,” and this was the reason that they behaved encouragingly. This story has a Messianic dialectic that I tell you later
Manny Butterflies
I believe you are again moving back and forth to different times and different places; you promised not to.
Yanis
When you are narrating, then by itself, the narration tends to unify the time and places in a single event. I cannot help it I am afraid. Still, I try to follow the time arrow as it happened. Again now events has exploded and I am not tidy. I might get a chance later.
Carlo DJ
Let me tell you what happened when the police took me to an evening arrest after many years passed that “ward-round”. After their stupid interview with me, the in charge interviewer came to me and said, “We cheat-chat together and decided that you cannot damage anything!” She didn’t say that I did not damage anything. She meant that I wanted to damage but since I am in the panopticon I just was not able. She talked in a way that makes my life more miserable and frustrating instead of apologizing me for inconvenience that they created for my family.
Carlo DJ
Another type of lucid dreams that I see includes scenes that I have been captured among some conceived enemies. Somebody aiming a gun at me to shoot me and as I try to evade to another point, he knows that I am frightened and the perpetrator continues targeting me. That happens also with snakes that have intelligence to surprise me in chasing me or somebody plays with them in a devil way to throw them on me. You might ask why I call them lucid. Everybody might see nightmares frightening him. They are lucid because they are painfully non-random all the way out of context of my mind. If I wakeup due to fear, then when I sleep after an hour they continue and they refer to me and they might refer to episodes of ten years ago. When I am awake during the day the voice refers to them as part of [its] daily harassments. If I become of some humble achievement during the day, say mending something or cooking a nice food, anything. It refers with a person name; for example it shows a Mr Roger Cook, who was my neighbour's name forty years ago and died at those times, and says in my dream, "See Mr Cook is dead." And shows him in a coffin. So, I receive punishment for my achievement during the day. One of the themes is aircrafts that might bomb me or machine-gun me or are near to crash on me. In one of them, an aircraft was in a hangar under repair scaffoldings with projectors on it. One wing of the airplane had been removed. In a corner there was a rural filthy pitch dark eastern toilet (WC is a hole in the floor in the rural areas, and city people hate to go), and [The Thing] as I had seen [it] in [its] living carcass, had grabbed me from the back, pulling me back towards the dark hole, that now had changed to an open grave.
Manny Butterflies
If you become happy of some achievement during the day, you believe that 'they' punish you. Perhaps, 'they' believe you should not get to euphoria and flight mood for humble achievements and your cognition might commit itself, under the pressure, to grabbing a grand achievement, which is actually a sane healthy non-bipolar mood.
Why do you attribute your lucid dreams to external entities? How anybody in the world can remotely induce dreams to another person. Does she/he talk in a microphone or feed pictures into a transmitting machine? How?
Yanis
Kudos to you for so concisely putting forward a characteristic demand for THEIR endeavour! We have exhausted many justifications and we have a long way ahead; a very very long way ahead. You should ask Noah, "How in the middle of the desert it might come a flood to the peak of the highest mountains and how Noah can make such a big vessel with single hands and how he got elephants from India to Arabia or where ever he was living?"
Carlo DJ
There was no Noah. These are stories of grannies and nannies.
Yanis
Well, leave Noah for now. Nobody talks to a microphone or feed picture to a transmitter. It is all in mind. How I say there is an external entity f producing or inducing lucid dreams in my mind? I got or actually caught that idea from indirect hints or cues from the environments of my work place or socialisations that I had at the beginning of this story. They talked about the dreams that I had and also what they said during the day then I saw in the dream that night. And from the beginning they were talking about seeing dreams and at that time I was not well aware that something evil was going on, they were asking if I see dreams and if I believed in dreams and I knew these things superstition but regarding the realities of the environment I used to pretend that I had attention. (And one was the best friend of this gentleman now in power and all the world news talking about him. We shared the same office. I mean with the friend not with him.) I had few very lucid dreams in earlier ages that I tell you in some occasion. But at the time that I was around and a bit earlier than forty and this story starts at that time I was amazed of plethora of lucid dreams that I was beholding and couldn't interpret them. I used to attach them to those early dreams and believe that I was passing some mystical stage at forty. When I became sure that the source of those wet dreams is externals and [a psychologist] remotely reads my mind, I used to think why [it] is doing that and what is the use of it. Then I saw in the lucid dreams that it shows an attic with light fixtures hanging from the ceiling and says these lights should remain on to prevent you doing vice naughty actions. The very next day somebody came to the office pretending talking about somebody else with a nearby desk very loud and rude as, " His mother, being a whore, used to take customers to the garret for serving but always forgot to turn off the lights.” I used to pretend I was doing my own job and heard nothing. In these occasions they used to use cues such as “Are you ass or deaf?” They rhyme together. These were not single episodes in occasions. They didn’t allow me to rest even for an hour.
Manny Butterflies
In this way I became sure that the source of those dreams and those cues should be the one and the same external agency since If I had assumed that dreams are from my own mind I couldn't go and ask people to give similar cue to me as rude as those dreams. Therefore, this corollary I figured out: There is a unique phenomena asking people to suffer me with rude horrible frightening, and sadistically annoying content to me and that phenomena also happens in my mind during the sleep.
Carlo DJ
Then I asked them what the designer of these operations believes is the ideal conditions for my so-called treatment of "going up and down?" And at that time I was not familiar with the "bipolar" word. They said that the ideal condition is that I sit twenty-four hours a day seven days a week all the year and listen to people who talk in that suffering way and I cannot put my fingers on my ears to prevent hearing them or weekends that I hide in my room and I go back for holidays to my home near my wife. And then after a year “Your brakes will not become hot and out of control and you can become friend with us!”
You can discern that again in another way from narration of my experience, my proposed Grand Unified Theory takes shape.
Carlo DJ
Then I decided that [it] is a two headed snake one of its heads acting in the society of humans and the other head (at that time) acting in my dreams inside my mind. Still, [it] believes it is not enough and [It] is not in [its] ideal condition.
Carl DJ
So I conceived my enemy was a two-headed snake. One of [its] heads was acting in the society, leading the society to sting me. And [its] other head comes inside my mind during the night, when I am sleeping, and stings me by inducing lucid agonizing nightmares into my dreams. That snake, still, believed that that much suffering of me was not enough for [its] demand. My dear listener, Yanis, you become surprised that the symbol of the healer is two snakes separate in heads, interwoven at their tails with the stem of the goblet. You can remember that I said at the first night of apocalypse, the night that the grisly lady of antiquity, had adored [itself] to rub the mind of its groom and started to talk with me, [it] said that there were two snakes in the bin and I should grope the bin and find them. Then [it] told me that [its] institution had already killed them and I should not be worried about them. What do you understand? Enemy of human being purports [itself] as a healer.
Carlo DJ
You know that Satan’s intriguing, that is, the plotter enemy of human, is visualised as appearing of snake in paradise of human family life. You know that people believe that snake mesmerise and stunt its prey into the stones. How any sacred or non-sacred institution can convince "everybody" to obey its lead? People disobey prophets in their faces, disobey powerful despots, finest scientists, disobey advice of their own doctors given for their own health, do act against their parents or spouses. How can it happens that all of them regardless of their religion, their sacred ideas, their nationality, kinship, their very tangible interests obey a purported healer against the one that they might only meet once in their life?
Carlo DJ
At very beginning I mentioned of Langmuir's account of pathological science. I couldn't remember its source. Now, I could find it. It is: "Pathological Science
Certain symptoms seen in studies of `N rays' and other elusive phenomena characterize 'the science of things that aren't so.' Irving Langmuir and Robert N. Hall, pp. 36-48
Physics Today - October 1989.
Abstract: Irving Langmuir spent many productive years pursuing Nobel-calibre research (see the photo on the opposite page). Over the years, he also explored the subject of what he called “pathological science.” Although he never published his investigations in this area, on 18December 1953 at General Electric's Knolls Atomic Power Laboratory, he gave a colloquium on the subject that will long be remembered by those in his audience. This talk was a colourful account of a particular kind of pitfall into which scientists may stumble. ©1989 American Institute of Physics."
Now-a-days people are very familiar with these ideas. My wife says, regarding health issues, that it should be S.M.A.R.T, according to their training. That is, it should be, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time framed. What I experienced was as if a drunk, blind dancing with his cane stretched in the crystal department of Tiffany Stores and feels that is not liable for consequences.
Carlo DJ
I got to the point that I started to catch agonizing cues from any environment that I wanted to contact; that is, what described as paranoid catch-22. I try to organize it: At its beginning, it looked like a political cause of persecution. At second stage it was as if a moral government authority was doing the persecution (we do have such an authority down, back there in my native birth country). Third, I believed some psychologist (psychiatrist), authorized in my absence, by the General Prosecutor of country due to finding some lunacy and idiocy on me. At the end, I imagined from my limited knowledge in science, that there is a sensitive critical test of some revolutionizing, innovative idea in psychology (psychiatry) configured by a group of grand, internationally known psychologists under et al, is being done on my devastated soul. I got the idea that perhaps due to lack of cooperation and nonetheless my awareness regarding the abomb and other outstanding issues that I had, the government agencies happily accepted to get rid of me in that way. Parallel to constructive dismissal, they have done constructive execution to me (crucifying Messiah). I was catching all these by painful cues. That: “they” use this method in the third world due to lack of enough mental hospitals and doctors such that by traditional use of nosy meddling community and family they can rectify many lunatics at the same time and now they are writing down papers and procedures for this method from their observations on me. That, “they” have taken one very intelligent (this word was very annoying for me) from each nation for the critical experiment of an “Einstein” emerged in psychology (psychiatry) discipline and [he] is, thanks to my great luck, a “Sildavian” compatriot working in Harvard, now has returned to his own country to serve poor and underdeveloped world. This was a complete paranoia inflicted on me.
Carlo DJ
Hence, At that time if I wanted to contact with anybody, I would not start with abomb story or dog-keepers of Americans or any practically useful ideas, I would start from the story, that “they” annoy me “everywhere”, in street, in family parties, in employment interview. And we know, how people look at you when you say repeatedly “they” and you cannot find “who” and you repeat “everywhere” but you cannot mention a specific place.
They call you paranoid.
Carlo DJ
Why the phrase "very intelligent" was annoying for you? Didn't you ask people why they were doing that to you?
Yanis
I didn’t believe I was “very intelligent.” I liked to be hard working and I believed they meant I was very stupid. I asked them, frequently. They used to deny that they have anything that meant me. Then suddenly one of them would start to say non-sense such as, “You always ask why!” Or, “Do you know Hindis pimp the c**t of little pudgys?” Feeling her a kitten, I used to call my daughter “little pudgy!” They had attached that name Hindi and Gandhi as cues to me such that I catch. For example, when I was at a job interview, suddenly somebody would open the door and tell the interviewer, “Mrs Gandhi from Hindoostaan embassy has called you.” Then a part of my body my head or leg or shoulder would jerk in advertently. Then I would think in my mind, “I have dignity. Why, they interrupt my interview? At least, he didn’t talk in the middle of my interview.” Then the man would come back in few minutes, saying, “Mrs Gandhi, wants to talk to you right now!” Then the interviewer took the telephone, and started to talk nonsense with the imaginary caller, in the middle of interview. Gradually, my mime started to become completely degenerated, when encountering people. “Oh, please don’t swear!” It was my body language. When I wanted to receive anything, always they would postpone it to another day; then another day, then another week, another week, until I wouldn’t go after that anymore. If I wanted to see somebody, he wouldn’t come until after one hour, sometimes until I was there for the whole lunch time dragged into the afternoon and meanwhile people would come and talking nonsense agonizing insulting things regarding “repenting dog-keeper.” Gradually I didn’t ask anything. I didn’t go anywhere. This stage is very painful to describe. It is also very difficult to make the scene become visualised by the audience. I also am lacking skills of a narrating writer in foreign language. Until, I got the idea that they have shown my picture in the TV and had convinced everybody, to annoy me upon recognizing me everywhere in streets, cabs, buses. I was walking in the street and swearing. Frequently I had torn my clothes.
Manny Butterflies
They hinted that I was a lunatic in a particle and hidden stage and they opened the impediments to change me to a classical lunatic with all symptoms. And they push me down. Then I should pull me up myself and in that way nature has found its own way towards a healthy "kaaraaktehr." They meant personality, since I didn’t have any "kaaraaktehr!" and should make "a borrowed all-stitches robe of Darvishes" from the cues that I receive from my environment, and wear that as my own "kaaraaktehr!" And that will always prevent me to make insane "youngsters" actions and "desire" to climb to higher tiers of humanity and I will know the size of the rug that I have under me, lest to stretch my legs beyond that.
Carlo DJ
And they used cues that I was "a girl!" No, not that a "woman", but a girl. In an occasion happened that I said them that I was pure like a mountain spring. I didn't mean anything. It was just as part of my poetry and humour. At that time I had not any notion of Messiah. Even now that I know the Messiah, I have, never, said to anybody anything about Messiah or Jesus Christ. It is a cue that allows any sceptical investigator in future to search for my truth. Then I heard cues such as this, "I wanted to f**k the c**t of this Saint Puree when I got to her shrine!" One of them said. Saint Puree is a girl saint. Or this cue, " I never knew Puree is a girl until I examined her from very close!"
Now, I couldn't catch these hints as they meant me that I am a girl. I believed they meant to insult my wife and my daughters. Those cues remained in a corner, until many years later; mostly during this few years that I am at home are being used to mean me.
Manny Butterflies
Those seems as something planned by a, a... well if we know psychiatry some kind of science, by a scientist and those, actually could be accommodated into the practice of a psychiatrist paradigm. They believe a psychotic is in a sleep and underarousal state of mind and byprovoking him into the anger he gets his natuaral arousal and awakeness.
You just admit them by this gibberish naration.
Yanis
Yes, it is an amalgamate of insult, abuse, injury, perjury, barbarism moulded in a way in the mind of a scientist, i.e. me, envisaged as a scientific planning, similar to shapes that you might find in the clouds, or rocks, or pebbles at the sea-sides. I said, at the middle way, that I have nominated myself for being recognised as Messiah, or Christ and at the moment thousands of others are running for that position competing me. I said that at the beginning I believed I was under a usual political persecution, then I recognised that it couldn't be a political persecution. That, political persecution, has goals and objectives and time frames. It has opponents and collaborators and disobedience. It is not possible for it to orchestrate your colleagues and your enemy and your kin and "everybody" during a period of time amounting to twenty years. That process also has appeals and exoneration and excuses and pardon and loopholes and escape points. I proved it to me that my experience could not be persecution of a moral behaviour adjusting authority, too. In the next stage I should prove that, it could not be a scientific or psychiatrist experiment being done on me.
Carlo DJ
But, in couple of comments, before the last one you said, you never tell anybody that you are Messiah. Now do you believe that you are the Christ: king of heavens, incarnation of God, the promised one? Tell me are you Messiah?
Yanis
You should read that comment again. I said that I have never asserted or told anybody that I believe that I am Messiah when declaring my real identity in a valid or as a mentally ill. It is only my secret belief. I want to prove it in a scientific way that a Messiah can really exist with ancient attributions as part of a natural phenomenon in this material world and that is I. So that assertion is only in my heart. What I have written in a couple of emails with an assumed identification is this: "either Jesus Christ and other prophets a-Moses, a-Mohammad, Noah, Buddha were experiencing the phenomenon I am experiencing, or I am experiencing the phenomenon they were experiencing." Hence in future, if "they" publish that the "patient" believed that he was Jesus, that will be lie and it remains a cue for future truth investigators that how they knew I had such an assertion in valid practice of life.
Your answer is affirmative: I am Messiah
Then what should they say when they publish your case history?
Yanis
They should publish that the "patient" believed that humans are worms wriggling on this piece of rock and there is no comfort that Hegel and Poincare had complicated squeaking or Changeeze Khan killed half of the population of worms. Their squeaks reach nowhere.
Carlo DJ
Absolutely cynical, and a cliche statement of absurdity, perhaps from Camus.
Yanis
This episode, I watched when I was very young, helps me to visualise things for you:
"JOURNEY TO THE UNKNOWN
The Neighbours From Hell!
Hank and Anne Prentiss take up residence in the country. The neighbours, especially divorcée Terry Lawrence, and Luther and Helen Ames, appear to be very friendly.
Perhaps a little too friendly; Luther seems to openly desire Anne, while Helen is obviously attracted to Hank.
At a housewarming party, a drunken Terry confides to Anne that she and Luther once had an affair. She describes Luther as 'a man who likes to own people'. The next morning, Anne finds Terry dead from an overdose of sleeping pills.
Hank befriends Matt Dystal, an Irish scriptwriter, and learns about the fate of the last person to live at the house, Dick Parker. Like Terry he committed suicide. But not of his own free will...
Based on a story by Charles Beaumont, a frequent contributor to 'The Twilight Zone', this is a cracking episode. Like 'The Beckoning Fair One', it centres on a couple moving into a new home only to discover evil forces at work. Here its a cult of rich pleasure seekers, who having exhausted every perverse activity imaginable have drifted into Satanism;
The opening scene - Luther and his friends enjoy their party, oblivious to the fact that a dead man hangs from the ceiling - is one of the most chilling in the entire series."
The newly moved people start to trust one of the people in the neighbourhood who looks of some moral demeanour, Matt Dystal. He explains for them that how they started to fade their boredom by introducing new adventures into their parties, like exchanging their partners by spinning the bottle, until they drew to force one of the participants into the suicide. Then Matt, who looks as if being frightened and wanting to escape from the neighbourhood, offers some drinks to Hank Prentiss and explains for him that right at that moment "they" want to anatomise his wife, Anne, live and he should rush to help her in accompanying with him. He takes Hank to the window of cellar that the satanic ritual is going on to show him his wife fastened to the table ready for rituals. Hank wants to shout. No voice comes out of his mouth. He wants to move. He is paralysed. He wants to close his eyes, not to see the scene. He cannot. Matt says, "I put some paralysing drug into your drink. You are watching the scene, is part of our entertainment. You are not allowed not to participate in our parties. When we finished with your wife you will die too."
Carlo DJ
It is sickening.
Yanis
Yes, but when it happens nobody becomes sick. You do not close your eyes when passing or grip firmly your nose, or put your fingers on your ears, or divert your path. You just pass straight through the event without noticing it. You find it sickening because you watch it through somebody else camera. That creates an instance of external moral behaviour. It is how you learn and develop moral behaviour, not through your internal voice of conscience or external punishment. Then you put them into the praxis. Then you watch the outcome. You should see examples and develop its rules by yourself, like your language. Teaching them has no benefit for you. Why they teach moral behaviour and ethics. It is like literacy. Nobody teaches a language to a child. A child learns it through real conflict from the environment. But you teach literacy later to your children.
We should not forget the episode. It is camera there. You are in this side of the camera.
Carlo DJ
Humanism believes that the source of moral behaviour is conscience of human being and fear of punishment (elements three and one in our description of satanic ritual of human sacrifice). It is the precursor of Satanism in human society. Satanism to conquer the world needs only to neutralize and deny the erection of humans (the second element of [its] ritual).
Carlo DJ
You are getting too culty, multy. And I can see people with flares and robes and hymns murmuring. Now, where should we get examples of moral behaviour? What Are your codes?
Yanis
At the very beginning I said, I have no advice. You should get examples from those places that you learned your. Nobody coded them for you. Nobody rewarded you or punished you or sanctioned you in supermax facilities or stole your loved ones from you. It is very painful. It is part of my diary, I wrote it in 1992. I have to write it here. If you want to cry for Messiah, cry for this one too. It is story of a little girl, not still going to school, but near to. She takes a piece of candy in front of guests from the table. Some people in my former native place know it impolite for little children. Her mother takes the needle from the neck of her scarf and pierce in the back of the little hand of the girl, as they sometimes used to do that and tell the child, "Remember not to do that again!" Sadly child's hand becomes infected and gangrenous. Doctors have to cut it from the wrist. After the wound becomes healed and doctors open the dressing, little creature, couldn’t see her hand, couldn’t understand what has happened, weeping asking her mother, “I promise I do not take candy anymore. Now, please give my hand back.” As it had happened when they took her toys as a punishment and returned it as a reward later. Yes, it was heavy. It made me tearful again. That should be mentioned. It is my witness. Add it to the episode on Journey to Unknown. They come together.
Carlo DJ
In your fashion Carlo, this is an episode of Simpson cartoon character. The religious gentleman living next door to Homer is talking gibberish and encounter cynically with all neighbours who have gathered to help him to reconstruct his destroyed house since he didn't like the refurbishment they did to his property. Due to his outrageous insulting behaviour they take him to lunatics house to be treated. At that place doctors ask Homer Simpson to annoy and angry him by using abusive dirty words targeting his wife. When the man wanted to respond a moving screen would separate him from Simpson such that he cannot retaliate and only internalise his anger. Psychiatrists believed this will enhance arousal of the patient and cure his epileptic behaviour. I said this episode to let you know that if they have insulted you, it is legal and accepted in treating a mentally ill person. They even do it in US. It is due to the recognition of mental illness in you. It is not torture or abuse of human rights. If you become annoyed it is the result of your own condition, not that a cruelty is being done to you. It is like prison for a burglar. It is consequence of his choice (burglary). He cannot go to restaurant or jogging in streets or sleep in a silent place, listening to chirp of birds in gardens. His condition is confinement not freedom. You know that a convicted is not allowed to publish materials that are in defence of himself. Those already have been exhausted by the court and society as false. So, as I already advised you, go to people who annoy you and with your chin up say, “You cannot annoy me. I do not care for what you say, and I am here to stay!” And win and open the passage to Kafka’s “your door of justice.” These repeating gibberish materials you are declaring are of no use.
Yanis
In another episode, Homer Simpson pees in corner of his lounge.
Carlo DJ
In this children story we have a big lesson. It is antithesis of "Shouting wolf." Little Bernard spots a monster outside of their fence. He is playing in the garden. Mum is busy in the kitchen. Bernard shouts, "Mum, a monster is outside the fence!" -"Not now Bernard!" Mum replies continuing her job. -"Mum, monster is in our garden!" -"Argh!" says mum. -“Mum, monster’s eating me!” Bernard shouts. –“I said not now, Bernard!” No voice comes for minutes. A monster comes into the kitchen. –“Not now Bernard! Take that stupid costume off before going to your room!” Monster eats the mum.
Carlo DJ
Almost all of things I am writing here, Yanis I should tell you again, have been gathered before 2001, even mostly before 1995. I have two booklets; one typed with that old small travellers typing machines. None of my attitude or judgments towards the environment that now I am living now has been changed or modified in any way after 2001, documented in a booklet I wrote at that time. Nor any of them has been changed towards the place that I was living before coming here. All of them are stable from my age of sixteen. And so far are as I have declared in these eleven hundred comments that amounts to two hundred thousands words. I have succeeded to visualise in a foreign language how I started to understand that my lucid dreams have an external devil source. But Still I am struggling to visualise for you what is that intensification that I experience and leads me to catch cues from open society in a traumatising level. I do not find the language of narration in past tense. See, I even find it difficult to say, "I caught cues!" I believe I should say "I catched cues!" It is consistent with my Grand Unified Theory. For example, Americans do not say, "He was hung!" They say, "He was hanged!" But, " A coat was hung," is easier to say. When I cannot find grammar, I cannot visualise a scene. For example, when everyday I was in street for jogging three years ago what should I say, "I jogged everyday," or "I used to jog everyday," or "I'd jog everyday!" That makes the voice less digestible, especially for the native speaker. No, Yanis, studying grammar is not of much use. It is socialisation. That can rectify my native grammar, to foreign grammar such that to reward my emotional expression. I should get it through external instances of usage, not through the literacy, through praxis.
When I use scientific language, wordings come correct since I am asserting facts rather than narration of what has happened in the past.
Hence, I find only witness and evidence for what I thought in the past, not that I have changed my mind due to some recent event.
Carlo DJ
I explained in one of the comments, that once my cat bleeding in her bowel. I called vet and the reception was giving me an immediate appointment. Suddenly somebody shouted at her, telling some unintelligible things. She put her hand on the mike and after few minutes, receptionist told me, "Yes, its sick. You should pay for that. It is thirty three pounds and thirty three pence for visit..." Then I did some home remedies. She had chewed some bad mushrooms with grass in the garden. At that time I knew that I couldn’t be vigilant on health of my cat like my own or my wife or my daughter. You might think it is not to blame anybody. It is consequence of my own decision. That I suffer for my terminal illness of my cat right now could be consequence of my own decision (using wordings of inconsequential pathological pseudo science), but what about suffering of my cat. Is that result of her choice, either? I noticed that her eye showing a white thing deep down there when I look into her eye. My wife noticed her neck is a bit larger. We noticed that she is rejecting food, but since all of us have experienced that we are powerless in the society and somebody else based on ad hoc ideas decides for us, we just cannot think that there could be a solution out there for any of our troubles. We only commit to things that are possible for us independently and alone. We said that she is a lap cat and should sleep on a human lap, and because recently I have been too busy of housework she is nagging. Hence, I sat and holding her to sleep or I went to bed at different hours of day to help her sleep. We changed to different brands and categories of food. We believed we were not too strict with her and made her used to our own food, we start to cook chicken fillets and sausages and fish for her. At last we noticed her eye becomes smaller, doesn't eat or sleep. Now we believed we could not do anything at home for her. She has developed lymphoma (?). I believe she is dying. And something is pressing my chest. She was so lovely and delightful. She shared a lot of my sufferings in these years without complaining. That happened to poor creature since we are powerless in the society. May Messiah rain fire on "their" children.
Carlo DJ
This is the best possible opportunity for keeping yourself "stable." You will learn not to blame others for your lack of vigilance through a traumatizing punishment. You also learn not to blame yourself for the death of another being that happens sooner or later for all due to the therapeutic delusion of some joking intervening agency. If true they are just humorous with you with harmless things such as thirty three pounds. It is a mild prank.
Yanis
In this episode recently I saw on TV showing Life of Eddington as related to Einstein, Eddington is being set to give repentance for not being cooperative with warmongers. People who are familiar with history of science know how much Eddington is important in establishing rigour in physics. He is a great pioneering figure in recognizing what is pathology in science. Well, he is very important. But sleazy warmonger establishment has not forgotten pain of this watchdog's teeth. I have a reason besides, the idea of fighting with pathological science.
At the last day of the war, They set Eddington in a chair and his wife force her to see the front page of newspapers that announce defeat of enemy and winning of "this country" at last in the war. Wife shows the page to Eddington, as if he already has not such news. Then the wife repeats verbally all those lines as if he is illiterate. Then the wife says people in Berlin are hungry and naked. Then she says she goes to help those miserable people, like a magnanimous conqueror. Eddington (actor acting in his place) keeps a silent face and look of a loser. They show life of a famous opponent of the war in the “Warmongering Day.” There is no evidence of an impartial documentary.
Carlo DJ
Wait a minute! Leonardo diPardo is back from Switzerland, is he? It is beginning of tourism season up there, right now. You were talking about your cat, then suddenly jumped to politics. What happened? You cannot focus, can you?
Yanis
Now, have story of Eddington until later. On features shown in the movie, he was a tall, blond, handsome, with round iron rimmed spectacles, talented and knowledgeable, courageous and assertive native. It is hilarious, still, he became revenged and his personality mutilated slyly in the documentary, let alone you are an alien "niagara."
This brief explanation has not use for us right now, but we'll come back to it later.
Carlo DJ
This you said is something political. It is not related to what you put forward as the record of - perhaps based on a delusion - your case that some unidentified agency remotely reads your mind and harass you with an idea that treats your alleged mental illness by using that facility - that mind reading facility. Go back to your own account
Yanis
I do not mean any politics. I want to show you what is the devil in action.
Next you said I learn not to blame me and not to blame others for the consequence of their evilness. I didn't learn any such thing. Still, I am blaming me and blaming others. Upon your assumptions when your head is deep under snow, nothing in the reality of nature changes. Even here I cannot narrate what is happening to me. It is such a long story that when I want to touch one corner of it, it explodes and I become frustrated, let alone write it in a foreign language. I cannot keep attaching to the main issue. As we say in our language "it is not the burning of a leaf we are talking about, they are burning forests."
Carlo DJ
If you blame others, it is good for psychosis. In this way you learn to protest and ask for help and not live like a potato passive and non-responsive. It is all about learning that new paradigm of cognitive behaviour therapy is based on. It is like a university. Also when you blame yourself, your conscience brakes improve and you get mental arousal. Psychiatry goal is to make an underaroused psychopathic conscience to become well aware of his mentality and thereby feed the sources of mental well-being.
Yanis
What is that, you are asserting. Answer me this question: We have an assumption "G" then what is the meaning of "G and ~G" You say we have "G" and "G and ~G" Such a thing is not a reasoning that based on that you traffic a family and then start to suffer them by using legal loopholes of a specific country.
Carlo DJ
Psychotics, usually think like a robot in logical way of thinking very black and white. You should think in terms of love and beyond the formal logic. You should love and control yourself. Leave these details to experts, philosophers, academic, and healthy people. Do not fart when you are in blacksmiths row.
Yanis
Wait a minute! You said, "I learn to blame others and to blame me" and "I learn not to blame others and I learn not to blame me" Then you say I should not bother about details. It means that even your last argument is false. That is, you do not have any information for me. And you are only a random noise, human words scattered randomly without any meaning. You do not talk with human words. You do not own words. You are voice somebody hears when walking in society. How can you build a hut with moving sands on the moving sand foundation?
I said, " It is not the burning of a leaf, we are talking about; issue is that they are busy putting a forest on the fire.”
Carlo DJ
I said, "One should not fart, when he is walking in a blacksmiths row; nobody hears." By those contradictory insights about blaming, I meant a mentally ill will get stable mentality in place of an impulsive uncontrolled one.
Yanis
How do you measure these things? You are using a lot of words such as stable and controlled and impulsive, and under-arousal without having any point of reference. In looking back to events you can build assertions, without having those insights ahead. When you are dealing with an individual, well, it is not of any use to say he was this or he was that. You know these things afterward. You can mould people endlessly in wrong models. It is not of any use for human society. Perhaps you know that the mainstream "house" being used now by astrologers is based on the biography of many famous people. That is hilariously like psychiatry: void.
In my native place, there is no institution similar to asylum in west even in its nineteenth century form. If somebody becomes prosecuted by the law, then during prosecution process, the public’s attorney might decide to enquire the opinion of the coroner regarding soundness of the mind of accused one. Here, purportedly a crazy person could be detained without criminal charge one idea of helping his “well” being. It means they detain him to live better and help him to reduce his craze. The craze that has identified him in the society with some manifestation of certain symptoms. In my native place they say, “If he is mad why he does not put the bread in his nose?” They mean he has not any symptom of madness. So well-being for such a non-criminal lunatic means alleviating his symptoms and demeanour when he is dealing with the annoyed snubbing society. [THEY] alleged that I was a mentally ill based on some symptoms put under magnifier and isolated from any context in my native country, without explaining for them any alternative. I have to pull it together for now.
Carlo DJ
PS: This word processor I am using suggests to change “well-being” to “well being.” When I accept, it suggests changing “well being” back to “well-being.” It is consistent with my case of “well-being.” You can test yours.
Well, I believe we can start in this new year of 2009. Again you said that actually there were some symptomps for allegation. Will you please elaborate on them.
Yanis
To begin, let me talk about gays. In my place, like here before the liberation of this behaviour in the society, gay behaviour looks very odd and weird. You could make any stories about the individual if you had the authority to impose them. They had two characteristics as I deeply watched and observed. Since they couldn't have a permanent officially attached partner to fulfil their natural instinct (and this instinct could be decided as evil or benign by you) they look as hunters all the time in search of prey, specially approaching the younger bachelors, haunting around the dark corners of alleys around the city blue places and in the brothels, too much slimy and touching you in conversation very flippant and jocose and giggling, lewd looking. Second characteristic is their panicked behaviour regarding being transpired in the society, and then immediate mobilization of vigilantees, stoning and being bugged off, swatted and scared out.
If that happens to gays, that can happen to any other sexual orientation when becomes isolated. I can stop this here. Then go and find pieces of literature from Durkheim, Parsons and few living et al’s then do some field studies among gays of a target society and create some publications and if I was an academic that could give promotion and remuneration to me. But let me continue. Gradually more people are writting papers on the Internet rather than publishing them in the journals. If you are in a society that everything depends to your family in a very extended form, almost to the level of a clan and then you are deprived of any such protecting family shield then your normal (I mean, normal in Gauss distribution, usual bisexual non-gay) sexual fulfilment becomes suspended similar to a gay in that society. This is part of my Grand Unified Theory, that you feel part of the spectrum from centre towards sides where the so-called gays and deviants of the society have occupied. That becomes aggravated when you are living in a traditional religious society. It begins when you are twenty and one by one your friends who are all male marry and cut from you. If you want to continue with them you should be accompanied by your own “eggs sandwich,” not with your hand palm as people believe that you always “write with your hand” and you do not use a typing machine for writing, and you might take the vision of their wife as “soozheh.” In religious families when they find you in corners or find a smeared mattress or pyjamas they ignore it until you are eighteen or nineteen then the grand mother tells to your mother, “Find a doll for him to make him serious!” And when your friend marries you actually can behold that seriousness and change of everything boyish to things that you recognize as “mannish.” Then they find someone who is called “balance” for you. They mean, in the same way that two oxen ploughing should have similar features, similarly man and wife also should have equal background in marriage, in wealth, education, class, and family status and other things if they want their marriage survive. When courting the girl from the family a lot of people should come from both sides in the first meeting and already half a concession should be acquired and remains that both sides only accept the physics of each other and after that there are only details of how to make it official. It is like a building, an extended social teamwork. You are not then around the centre, you go into the tails. Alone you can erect a tent not even a small hut. Now, do not judge until I detail further.
Carlo DJ
You are in a jury oriented settings, where you are living and defending your claim as being Messiah. You are not asked to give details. Your answer should be "yes" or "no." Have you had symptoms of psychosis? Tell me, yes or no. I am Devil's counsel and I justify your opponents endlessly. What I know about you I sum up again. These are what I can remember from your defence: You wished to be sent to Cote d'Azure to watch topless women with leather skirts and gather bribes of prostitution. You were a fan of cockfighting in your place. The authority of your country, hence, recognized you as a psychopath and convicted you to life time experiment of an internationally known psychiatry, as a good intention judgment. Have you had symptoms of psychosis? Tell me, yes or no.
Yanis
Well, in this case, it is "no." I do not know what are symptoms of psychosis. They told me that I was going up and down. I never was going up and down in mood if they meant that. They said something it made me very surprised. That I always think to death. How it could be? I never thought to death. There, I heard so many non-senses. At last they said that since [THEY] can read my mind, it is the reason that I was a psychotic. And if [THEY] cannot read my mind anymore, due to effectiveness of imposing this kind of treatment then that is the sign of a mentally healthy person. They said that it is not possible to read the mind of a sane person. I only asked, “Which came first, egg or chicken?”
Carlo DJ
You see, I cannot say if I had any symptoms or not. When I talk, I have to talk about [THEM]. I am not observable at all. You have only one alternative. If you go and ask, my neighbours, any of my previous friends, colleagues, my work places, friends and school of my daughter, friends and work place of my wife and force even one of them to reveal the truth about contact of a psychiatry-type agency with them regarding my family and me and revealing that they accepted not to inform us about that contact, then you have passed more than half of the way towards the truth. In this country it is possible. Then you can discover all the sufferings that I have tolerated for the most stupid phoney operations ever committed by a wise society. You will learn, then, that symptoms and mental illness has nothing to do with that. Assume, as they said, it is possible to read the mind of a mentally ill person, then why he should be deprived of his natural "ill" life and rights that exist for him. Why he and his family, then should be suffered? My long journey is to show the other side of this.
Remember, you can get verification of my assertions without contacting me and only by investigating other people. If you are a counsellor as resourceful as Perry Mason, or an investigator as bright as Sherlock Holmes, then you can do it.
Carlo DJ
I am not Perry Mason. I am Devil's counsel. But if you suffer, perhaps it is because schizophrenia suffers the victim. I regretfully can't do anything for that. On the otherhand if [THEY] have some mind reading facility, perhaps with these operations that you described that can be helpful. You appreciate that they do not know you and they are foreigner without any bad intention and they are expert in mental illness treatment. They have treated thousands and can better deal with you and soon you'll be treated and will be thankful.
Yanis
I am almost sixty years old, and I have not yet been cured or treated. I should live in absolute freedom, similar to other mentally ill, or mentally healthy people before I die. If that treatment was helpful or of any usefulness that should be worked by now after twenty years of imposing it. I need to walk in street and breath fresh air at least in my garden for a while, and talk with people. Why they do not stop this treatment and continue it, without revising.
Carlo DJ
Psychiatry treatment is lifetime like diabetis and hypertension medicines. One should take it for life, should he decides to live long.
Yanis
None of them are intruding. They meet their goals of doing their required function. They return the user to the defined functionality. If you do not take hypertension medication, and let me not to talk about its medication that comes as a materialized additive that you eat. Let me say if you follow only verbal insight instruction of doctors and related scientists about hypertension; if you follow diets, instructed exercise, avoiding excitements and bad news and a limited package of insights you get your functionality back. Those things are real insights into the matter. They can advise you correctly that how meanwhile you can cope. It is not necessary for them to attach to you.
Carlo DJ
And this is what I frequently forget to say. If you say, "ah that antibiotic caused me itching, it annoys me, it makes me breathless and it causes me to die.” They do not say that you do not understand and you are liar and who is more expert. They accept your report. They intervened in my life in a place that such an intervention is unprecedented and they told my friends and few people related to me through my marriage that this intervention is for my better. I have lived since then a hell life of a stray cur, stoned and beaten to death and now the vultures are waiting for my death. You give me palliative services for god sake?
Carlo DJ
If any cure becomes possible for you even for one day before your death then it'll be the greatest achievement of all history. You are a stereotype mentally ill, believing you are messiah and god and I presume you hear voices in your head and you are gibberish and dysfunctional and asexual. If you become cured in this social, environmental method you are describing it is similar to transplant of heart. At that time, nobody believed its feasibility because the patient died after few hours, but it gradually became a routine practice and now thousands of people are living with organ transplant. You know, a psychotic has not soul, that is a human conscience, and even you here has advertised that you do not believe in one should have conscience. [THEY] have pretended that somebody is reading your mind remotely and in this way have transplanted a conscience into your brain and out of that fear you are living a somehow 'safe' life instead of committing unspeakable crimes of a psychotic. Perhaps you can read Hermann Hesse’s Augustus short story. Augustus suffered much but at the end he could listen to that heavenly music that he had heard once when he was child and then he had forgotten it due to his evilness, but craved to listen. When you pushed out from c**t of your mother, you heard that music of free, independent breathing once by that ecstatic yell. But your head had been stapled in that place, in your mother's c**t for the lifetime of your mental illness. If you become treated then your head completely will be bailed out and you hear the music of relief once more. Then if you want to curse anybody curse c**t of your mother for all your misery. She should conceive in her next period perhaps that creature could have a better destiny. Or perhaps your mother was a whore and delivered you in the public loo instead of the golden tub. Or your father should discharge that night in his pants. You are mentally ill, and then do you blame people for helping and caring you? Why you melancholic mind came to this world with a skin thimble hanged in your legs. That should be the other way like your stepsisters to give it instead of push it.
Yanis
Excellent! It seems that you are such a great brain. Or as you say [THEY] are such. You do not understand that transplant was not an intrusive, or pacemaker or amputation. The goal of those in medicine is giving life making something functional out of something dysfunction. They achieve their goal, even if life does not recover and person dies. That is the reason that they are not liable most of the time. They revise and feel misgiving and regretful. They progress and they do different things now than fifty years ago. Their attitude also has been changed. What you say I have heard for twenty years. You do things for some effect, if you are sane. The meaning of insane is that. He is doing something of no use and frequently harmful to him and (or) to others. They have been doing something of no use and harmful to my family and to me. I need medical attention for my physical health and I need to live without harassment with my family. They are going to kill me similar the way that they killed my cat.
Carlo DJ
By the way, every three or four issues of the engineering magazine, spectrum, it has news of some instrument helping stabilise the chemical imbalance of depressed people. By default, as I said, engineers and scientist believe in physical origin of any mental distress and no controversy voice has reached them yet. Hence, if such distress happens to them, they succumb to such remedies. One issue had an article warning engineers that since the increase of numbers of female engineers and their marriage to engineer partners that increase due to having the common work place, the "danger" of having autistic children will increase. The reason is that both parents are analytic minded and have tendency to organizing the world hence the child gets genes from both side and contingency of "autism" will increase. "Ha, ha, ha" I am really laughing. They have accepted that being creative is a disease and might fulfil it..."ha, ha, ha"
Carlo DJ
You know, in hard sciences and engineering hypotheses and assumptions are based on induction. That means, they are one hundred percent correct, but endlessly incorrect and subject to suspicion and revision. They do not have controversies in a way. They believe psychiatrists’ assumptions are similar. Somebody should enlighten them with controversies.
Carlo DJ
Leave these things for now. You were worried that you have not yet been treated. That treatment sooner or later happens. It is not in the way that you think. To reach to it, you should become completely hopeless of any helping hand or if ever anybody might reveal your so-called agency that has incarcerated you in a strange form. Then with all your despair, you should be extremely angry of your present situation. It is called wedding day. You marry with reality. Your ontological fears disappear. Then a change, a transformation happens in your psyche. It is sudden and militant like martensite transformation in steel, when suddenly quenches. That melts all the broken parts and schisms in your schizophrenia and your multiple personalities in one unified personality. But do not feast yet. After that you should not become elated or feel flight or angry of losing your lifetime or regret about the past, or continue to search for that agency or go and revenge from people who annoyed you. You only should see that a sick person has been died and has been left back in the past and a new person has been borne that does not catch cues from environment and does not become angry of others and do not flirt with eyes or talking and can establish healthy fruitful win-win relations with others and can take the control of his life in his own hands. Hence, to become sure if that has happened your supposed [THEY] will be around to test you again and again with insulting cues and annoying and frustrating situations to see if the old structure still is live and kicking. They put a mirror in front of you such that you accept that you are still incorrect. If these bad things happened then they continue again and again. This is similar to tempering steel. That should continue until certain age that a psychotic might still be dangerous; perhaps sixty or sixty five or seventy. Then if that transformation due to bad genes, or bad birth and your lack of cooperation does not happen at all until that age, the good news is that that a properly suitable services, happily, in this part of the world exists for you. You will be guided to a secured safe mental nursing home. At that place you do not have to be worried about anything such as cooking and washing and going in the annoying street or doing useless exercises, or watching banal TV programmes, or surfing on nerve breaking computer or arguing with your wife, or thinking to delusions of a-bomb and hundred thousand pounds or death of your pet. You can at last get the peace that you were fighting for it. And when you see that you cannot keep up with cleanness of your pants, in the middle of a cold winter night a kind caring hand opens a bit of the all the time locked window for the first time and one breath of that fresh air takes you to the heavens. Happily you have been a lifetime-dedicated person to promote the knowledge of human about mental health. Your will is already written. Now you get the opportunity to help to the young students of medical health to increase their carnal knowledge. Your melancholic head would be chopped and passed to the dentistry students and the teacher shows a place on it and says this is where he was thinking to his phallus, or, “Look the place for his conscience is all empty.” At the end you will have something in common with Einstein: your brain in the anatomy class. I believe you have had some influential relative, at the end of the day, in your clan that has recommended you for getting mental health help from an unidentified agency, putting you in safe hands, prevented you to become a violent drug dealer. I envy you.
Yanis
I didn't know you were this eloquent. How many times that transformation should happen, until they stop?
Carlo DJ
I do not know time; say, seventy thousand times. Until schizopherenia finishes. Schizophrenia does not know time. Why are you so in rush? Do you have any job waiting to do; half done?
Yanis
Nobody has any job to do. In nature, you need to live not doing jobs. I want to live.
Carlo DJ
You can assume you have been sent to a long holiday abroad and at the end of that to an early retirement, quatre mois: in France when you retire after thirty years you are entitled to a four months leave earlier. You are complaining to any court for holiday and early retirement for god sake? You have been sent abroad to enjoy freedom of life here. Are you complaining?
Yanis
I might believe that you are telling these things to encapsulate that these never happens and they are my fears you are telling to alleviate them. That could come to my mind twenty years ago that actually a kind and healing hand is behind the scene. And those allegations are to shock a child to stop his hiccup. Alas, these are a correct extrapolation of Devil's advocate of past history of Devil's intervention in my life. Wasn't that I was busy like other people of daily chore of tricking and cheating and ploy and manoeuvring and doing all ignoble strives to bring bread to my newly wed bride. That young spoiled single daughter I had grabbed in my teeth to my pride land. I was becoming ready to start a life full of hustle and bustle like others whom I always was envying. They hunted me to the kennel of the man-eater predator, that plotter enemy of human beings, and chased me and chased me until I remained lonely with my injured body and soul, without being able to communicate with two other persons incarcerated without guilt, with me. In the middle I could guess, what would going to happen to me, then afterward, and that actually happened. [THEY] said that [THEY] were doing that to help me but actually [IT] meant to deprive me of any helping hand.
Carlo DJ
I give examples that I have documented. When the vet surgery, instead of doing its duty to get money and give service to my cat, decided to join the scheme and helping doing mental health for me. This is not part of any of their trainings or duties or social duties or Samaritan duties anything. They only obey it because Ahriman can fold people to obedience. At that time I knew my cat couldn’t expect help from those people. They only take money but they are sleepwalking. They are amazed to help the Ahriman. They do not see or think or hear or feel pity. They are only reflecting the faceless face of Ahriman. At that time my wretched cat wrote a complaint with her little language here. When I noticed she was vomiting blood, I said to her, "Oh, my god they don't do anything for you. I know it. I know it." And my wretched wife spent credit from her future years of work, thousands of pounds and they just sleepwalking to send teasing messages for me and they killed my rehabilitating cat only by obeying an order from out of their discipline, not by their discern. She was not a lab animal to be killed by doctors command. She was my lover and half of my empty life. I write further about her when I can overcome my grief. Since, I cannot get valid information I become more degenerate, not that because I am degenerating by myself.
Carlo DJ
During this twenty years whoever I contacted has had one of the two faces; either a mocking face that looks to a child and is teasing him or when he has noticed that I am protesting face of an extremely angry threatening police who is swatting an urchin, hoodlum little boy from “West-side Story”, nothing of an average communication with an adult or with a mentally ill adult. For example, I go to doctor and he instead of doing his job, attending to my complaint, he start to talk nonsense and keep repeating them like a machine and if I remind him that he should pay attention to my ailment, he suddenly change to a very angry, punishing face asking if I am recently "odd." So I know those you said, Yanis, happen, on the condition that I was lucky enough to live longer.
Carlo DJ
Now, I am almost sixty, I need medical help, blood test, eye check up, new glasses, dental care. My dents amalgamates are chipping and eroding into my stomach and gradually poisoning me. My eyes are becoming blurred occasionally, at the top of my legs at that place, my skin has become like leather dry and itching and burning. I have not seen sky and sunshine for years. I have not been holiday for years. Recently, during last couple of weeks, in the middle of the night when I wakeup, I listen carefully. Before, going into the bed I listen carefully. During the day I listen to the outdoor. I cannot hear annoying shouting. I am not sure whether they have stopped or they have become hopeless or they have become frightened or they have been banned or they are plotting something new. It was for a while that constantly I was using earmuffs. Perhaps, they became hopeless that they could annoy me by surprise shouting comments. Definitely they know that I am ailing. They know my eyes become blurred, and itching and swollen, glaucoma, or mercury poisoning. Those earmuffs have made me so dumb, so un-resourceful. I cannot hug my child. I cannot take my wife into my arms. I haven't done that for a while, sex with earmuffs. Perhaps they are plotting to take me to doctor and then arrange a pretext and add registering me as a lunatic with legal society order access to break me to push me toward the life that you, Yanis, depicted here; to be able to invade to my home and shelter and repeatedly annoy my family and me and change me to a plant, and combine other supposed remedies with my misery to take that little sky I am watching from the window from me. I am prisoner of that Austrian monster, and to see my wife and my child everyday I should be buried alive until the sunset.
Carlo DJ
Yes, Keep your honour. Die with respect. Do not go to doctors. Make yourselves winner. You have dragged your cross on your shoulders for years. Win! Win magnificent soul.
Yanis
Yes, I guess they want to fill the gap of some legal loophole. They want to take me to doctors and start to elongate it and send me and the next appointment and the next and delay and linger and things that I am very well familiar. I can take this miserable wretched woman, under Stockholm syndrome a couple of time with me to witness that I am behaving normal, but they know that at the end she should go to shift or sleep for the next shift, and I'll be alone and they know that she doesn't believe me if not accompanying me. This is the binocular they promised to give me when they said I was myopic and could only see no further than my nose.
Carlo DJ
I regret to mention that the adjective "spoiled" you used for your wife, perhaps cannot be understood in this side of the world as an adorning modifier as you mean in your native language. Here, I guess, they use graceful, instead.
Yanis
This is very interesting, and a great evidence for some of my assertion. By some chance, I was looking on the Internet I found a gentleman. When I was young he was writing some humour on daily issues of people in the newspaper in my native place. Then he migrated here and later started to arrange standing humour for community here in my native language and now he is an old gentleman. He said that he went to GP here for flue and the doctor asked him what were illnesses of his father. At this point all the people who are living here for a long or short time or just for a summer holiday, all have a baccalaurean equivalent at least, some actually medical doctors working here, laughed. Hm? Can you guess why? This question is funny do you believe? It is not as funny as if they are told that in that country a mentally ill is coerced to treatment. They explode out of the laughter. They believe psychiatrists are themselves are weird -uhnormaal- people and this is a joke about one of them.
Carlo DJ
What about here? If somebody comes to an average person and tell him that he is a health authority and has got permission to impose treatment on your friend you are completely familiar with such infrastructure and you know that happens on a daily basis for many people. If he is working in your company then head of human resources knows all the rules and laws related to such a matter and frequently on his own speculation might impose such regulations on certain employees for constructive dismissal or genuinely out of his concern.
Carlo DJ
This brings the question to mind that what my people were told and how did they become convinced that I should be coerced to an imposed treatment? This is the evidence of Messiah. If I was born and grown here and that had happened to me it was a regular practice of the society. I could say that I should curse womb of my mother for bringing a miserable into the world or has passed misery to me. I was among an amorphous mass with millions with similar misery or other miseries. Was it a favour they purported that they would be doing to me that convinced people that it was for my good? What was that favour? I was dealt just like a poor mentally ill who fell here in the hands of psychiatry institution here and two three generations of psychiatrists use him for inconsequential experiments and never get a way out of asylum until his death. At least, in my country under such conditions I could go to doctors, high ranking internationally known university professors, pay them for check up, physical complaints and they only had a vague idea that some boastful psychiatrist colleague of them is in some chicanery abuse of third world situation that inside their clique they pretend not seeing it.
Carlo DJ
In my neighbourhood around 1961, there was a little boy, dying of some mother born heart failure. People started to gather money for him through newspapers to send him abroad, in a hope to be treated. There was a famous French surgeon precursor and inspiring for Barnard in open-heart surgery. He accepted to do the surgery free if the child taken to Paris. Well, he did that novel brave operation. The child returned to life after that. People hadn't seen such thing be possible in their country. The patient was definitely with all measures were dying if left to him. They didn't harassed anybody or asking people to do anything for the good of the patient. They did not move the child in a birdcage through the airport or on the way be diverted to any other country except his destination. They briefly let the patient after his recovery. They did a favour. God forbid if they experimented with the child. I am sure they didn't. They didn't abuse the legal loopholes to keep the boy for unknown experiments. They didn't say since the doctor has special crafts the patient should become a toy in his hands. They didn't say the identification of doctor should remain unknown to the patient. Everything shows that why people were convinced.
Carlo DJ
So why should [THEY] go to a third world country and get permission for total access to a mentally ill citizen of that country? Perhaps, they didn't get any legal permission in proper legal procedures of that country, but only they have convinced some people informally that I was mentally ill. I assume any of these. There, I believed that I was legally under total access. [THEY] convinced people to cooperate with [THEM]. People do not become convinced easily to behave cruelly with their friends. They believe that if someone is "uhnormaal" it is all right they should help him not to be left hungry and naked and cold. There is no institution; people do this to make the god happy. They did invert of that to me. They left me hungry, naked and cold on recommendation of some unidentified agent. They believe they should behave kind, in its usual meaning and polite with a lunatic. They were cruel and insulting and unhelpful with me.
Carlo DJ
Those people become convinced by isolating some symptoms in me exaggerating those symptoms as a sign of psychosis not neurosis or problems of life, as bipolar and schizophrenia - maaleekhoolia sheezofehrehnee- and announcing their treatment as a favour, as a novel and unprecedented method, as equivalent of doing a nose job in landan haal-lee eesteereet.
Well, Yanis, you asked me if I had symptoms or if I was mentally ill in my country and you in defence of Devil alleged that I was born a lunatic from my mother. Frequently I said you assume that yes, that I was with all illnesses and each time I have brought forward a reason for you that that fact or fiction is not related to what has happened to me. I was fully functional in any aspect of life to its ultimate meaning physically and mentally.
Carlo DJ
What about mental capacity? This has many vague meaning. For the western coercing traditional psychiatry it means if you can ask help of a psychiatrist when you are shattered and feel mentally ill. They do not care about other aspect of mental capacity. Yes, since in that place there is no danger of going to a psychiatrist people go and wait for months and pay a lot of money for that like other ailments, and take their pills and if they feel side effects they do not relate it to drugs. They change their doctors and if they have even a dentist in their relatives (clan) or friends they might accept his words more than the psychiatrist and he, say the dentist might prescribe pehrozaak and tehreepteezol for them and they take it like candy bars.
Carlo DJ
I understand that you were asking for a favour when they took you to the psychistrist. Am I right?
Yanis
I'll tell you later. This humorist I described for you then added that here doctors do not know how much we have to be tough to get to this age. He meant his own age, which is more than me perhaps ten years older. Yet, he left that country before the change of regime. I believe, in 1977. He does not know what is the meaning of tough, when ten yards missile hitting in the alleys only five yards wide. When there was "urban" civil war in the streets and nobody knew who with gun is on the side of whom. And when the only solution seemed to be converting your stomach to burn crude instead of food and when you wanted to go to hospital you should buy sterile needles from black market. Well, he does not know what is tough. Once I said that I was tough and could survive distress similar to physical illnesses that I survived. It is interesting; he said what was the first hurdle for him to survive. When he was a very small maggot in womb of his mother, she used to move all heavy things, including big stone mortars and she believed if the small thing happily "falls" then after three days of bleeding she'll be back to normal life. He said these things in a humorous language. Even my wife who is very modern and recent generation lost our first attempt due to carrying a heavy indoor plant. It means how much nature has toiled to keep me. That nature used its ultimate machinery, as well, to pass me through distress. You said Einstein. Actually I had to be as bright as him, just to be able to pass impediments to learn this humble amount of knowledge in that environment.
Carlo DJ
Already I said that I do not mean to discuss anything political, as it might be interpreted as the current affairs and news. That standing humorist gentleman continued to explain that he could remember when he was swimming as a sperm and was watchful to prevent other swimmers win and he from that moment was as nimble as much to survive him. I tell this to prove that others, even this gentleman who has been here forty years know that there is no favour when you grow with real "Sharks vs. Jets" from ten years old and you become atom scientist. Remember West Side Story? Ah, not even that. In a very melodic scene those budding hoodlums were talking about institutions that were about to pay attention to them. That insight or understanding is gap as wide as Earth to Mars. Now remember the famous 1950's Soviet movie "Epic of a Foot Soldier" when Serge became captured. One night they called his number. That was drawn by lot. He moaned complained to himself. He was taken to Nazi officers club at the camp. They were revelling and drinking. They poured a big full glass of Vodka. They wanted to defeat him and prove their supremacy even in his national drink. He downed it in one breath. They offered him aperitif, in vain surmise of him being pissed right now. He said they never take aperitif after one humble glass. They poured a second, and aperitif. He said never with two humble glasses. Nazi officers became a little angry and snapping. Then third, then fourth, now all revelling party were silent, few admiring in their faces. After the fifth full glass, the foot soldier said, "We accept aperitif after fifth!" He was just about to stagger and succumb, but managed a sober posture. He took aperitif, a big full spoon of it. When they were kicking him out, they gave him a big loaf of officers’ breakfast bread. It was pure white and fully puffed with a golden crusty top. He took it back to others. They asked him what was the story, when each of them were taking a share of a small sliver, all equally divided. He said, "They had me for a favour."
Carlo DJ
Perhaps I should say appetizer or hors d'oeuvres, not the aperitif. We have the term "mazzeh" that has entered into cuisine here as “mezeh” through some exotic bars. It is because spirits are difficult and burning in swallowing you need something to sooth your mouth and throat after it. Some poor people only can have a dash of salt. We say a real hooligan is one whose "Mezeh" is the soil (the dust) of tavern floor. Hence, I believed they had called me for a spoonful of "Mezeh." And I was like the mentioned "Sergei" used to be called for favour from my childhood. When my father died, I was in fourth year in school, equivalent to age of fifth year here in this country. My teacher who was a very learned, high class woman, fluent in French, and besides her three grownup university going children and husband and teaching was student of PhD, one day called me and said," I knew your father. He and my father were very closed friends both judges. I'll have you under my wing!" or such thing. Then continued, "Your hand writing is very bad. I should help you to improve it. You should not use, a pencil, a biro, or a fountain pen." I looked inquisitively and enquiring at her, amazing what should I use. "You should use ink pot and stylus. That makes you patient at the time of writing and improves your writing." That ignorant b*tch made a crap of my whole life, by preventing me to use the correct tool of trade. I didn't write any homework after that. The pot always was either dry or overfilled capsized over my things or carpet or classroom floor. Her next favour was that she called me and said, "Guess what is the good news?" I had no clue. "I'll move with you to next year and then to sixth grade!" After that we should leave for high schools. Next year I had the same writing problem. I didn't do the smallest homework, and the next year. Besides being in street until the last little hoodlum had been collected by their parents and there was no further companion, I should cop with the humiliation of "favour" I was the only one, again, that had not done his last homework for teachers signing with no confidentially respected again as a help to improve my situation for the next day. I used to read to myself, “I am regretful of the hope of becoming gold. Now, sire please as a ‘favour’ convert me back to that old cupper substance.” What was helping me should be the nature to do its job automatically; an invisible man, messiah. I had to rediscover things at the time of reading, dictation and calculations, everyday at classroom and every end of quarter exam. At those times I would honour me, in compensation, with full marks. So I could remain as the teacher’s pet for her "favours." Her other favour, unknowingly to her, was her inconsistency in being modern and French and chic and traditional and religious. I still, read the prayer she forced me to memorise, before sleeping, though I do not believe to any god or religion that she might have in mind. That automatically takes me to sleep. Happily, she couldn't cope with teaching of sixth year maths and grownup boys. She left in the middle of the year and a gentleman came in her place. He never called me or talked with me or showed any attention or humiliation or any feeling towards others or me; only a cheerful face that comes and does his jobs and thinks to his family and end of the month pay and a candle that burns and enlightens the room. That is my old friend “Grant Hardy.” He had not any “favour” for offer. For the first time I did loads of homework assigned for the New Year holidays at the beginning of spring with scrawling of a biro.
Carlo DJ
I had a misspelling of sprawl instead of scrawl that made me to trash one comment to make the correction. I had that bad handwriting and was not able to use a fountain pen until here these two wretched girls accompanying me bought a Parker with my name engraved on it for my fiftieth birthday. Then lo and behold, when I took it and started to write I became amazed: "What a firm nice handwriting I could have!" Now when I sign or write inside my books they are large; they are confident. The ghost of stylus and "favour" has disappeared. I did not need to learn to be "patient." I should practice and fight somewhere else not fighting with the inkpot and iron pen. Now, this lady is very infighting. She was very learned and familiar with modern psychology. They used to talk about Pee'aazheh and "from the point of psychology...from the point of sociology..." She was the microcosm of this operation being done here on my family and me with a crust of being in a modern scientific chic society and non-negotiable with stupidly serene face of a far-reaching high-class teacher.
And she was, and she was matched and coordinated with my stepmother. And here they are matched and coordinated with that vessel of un-holiness, that pretending treacherous stepmother of antiquity, that mind reader.
Story is the dialectic of Messiah with earthy part of Him. They are consistently similar.
Carlo DJ
My mother who was thirteen years younger than my father, similar to my wife and me, couldn't bring a child. When she was thirty, not to be alone, she brought her second cousin, a twenty one year old woman, from a poor cousin as a maiden to do some light jobs and be around her. She had separate people weekly for washing and for cleaning. But the woman brought two girls and "fell" one between the two by sleeping with my father, in a course of five years and started to harass my mother. When my mother became thirty-seven, she became miraculously pregnant at the night which is the longest night of the year. But she had not delivery pain at the right day. She felt pain at the evening of the day that those people believe Gabriel appeared for the first time in the cave for Mo-hammad. She was alone at her father's. There was a lady attending. My mother said, "Cyrus is coming. Go and bring accoucheuse.” When the lady came back I was wrapped and my chord had been cut nicely with a pair of scissors there and my mother had passed. She delivered me alone. And I had been left alone to me; more alone than a leopard in the darkest corner of forest.
Carlo DJ
For two months nobody offered a "favour" for a constant breast. So I was moving from the breast of cabinet minister's wife to the breast of a house cleaner then to the breast of lawyer's wife to the breast of a paid whore. Until the mother of my stepmother told her, "you are actually living this life due to mercy of Cyrus' mother. You are still milking your daughter milk Cyrus as well. God becomes happy and breast feeding make the life of cows longer." She said, "I do not feed two animals of this old s.o.b. and the girl might get scared and rejects my breast. The girls have half a share. They should have milk longer in compensation." At last under her mother's pressure accepted me permanently as a "favour." So I found a permanent breast. When at first night of my birth my father saw me, before any grief for his wife, he took me and prayed in my right ear and called me Mahdi (means one that people will find at the end of the road) and the he prayed in my left ear and called me Cyrus (means one that no one affords arguing with him).
Carlo DJ
But he did not allow anybody calls me with those names. Only he wrote inside of an old book these two names as my ear's names at sides of my name. My name is the name of phoenix, in my language. That ancient bird who hates snakes. Who lives seven hundred years and then plummet into the earth and burns to comeback to life. The flying feathery god with face of human who lives at the high mountain people call it "Dar-band" where the door becomes closed to earthly beings and divine starts. He is not there. He is a mirror that when traveller gets there sees his picture as the divine face of a bird. Gabriel's wing is one feather borrowed from him. He has no colour. Colour of his feathers that traveller behold is the picture of the material world.
Carlo DJ
I found that lady, the teacher, a very kind conscientious woman. You should show some gratitude. Why you didn't talk with her, raising your concern regarding using a fountain pen.
Yanis
Yes, she was. Messiah shall judge her. The point is that even bandits are kind with each other. One should be kind with strangers as much as he is kind with his friends, and one should be kind towards his enemies. You have heard this before. From childhood I have heard this, "Since we love you, you should not do that. You should not have this. You should not go there." I have been deprived of everything even the a small candy, in this age, only as "favour" and kindness that now I cannot understand but later when I become grownup I will be thankful for that. If you read all these that I have put on this screen very carefully you accept that I am righteous on this assertion.
Carlo DJ
Hence, at the beginning of this operation, or at the beginning of this delusion if you do not believe me, I asked one of the perpetrators that what would he do should he be in my shoes facing to such inhuman harassment?
[ITS] answer has no implication.
Carlo DJ
You might be interested what happened after permanent breast. From that time I have always been in search of a permanent breast. That was my real symptom. And my search never finds an answer. Always my situation has been suspending and temporary with an enemy who uses separate standards only for me because he loves me and wants to protect me from attacking environment. He always loves me more than his own children such that he does not apply and impose those high quality austere measures for them but spares them only for me as a "favour."
Carlo DJ
Next mother of my stepmother told her, "Behave with this child like yours. God becomes happy." She answered, "No, you are so old fashioned. I listen to radio. A doktor talks. The man who talks for ten minutes asking if you wash your hands after loo, if you open windows every morning for fresh air then after that he says hello to people and introduce himself as family konsool and uses many 'Farangeeh' words. He says if you do not tell the truth to your stepchildren they 'bring out' a konfehless when they become old. My ‘favour’ to him is to behave with this as a step mother." Later they frequently used to tell me that because of behaving like a step I did not become spoiled and I could go to university. She used to indicate me, "See, Bart has parents, now he is a clerk. You without parents are in the university due to my supervision. I was like stepmother of Aavraahaam Reenkon for you!"
List of "favours" I received from my steps is endless, and perhaps I tell them gradually. The last one now I am enjoying is that through them, due to having common family name and father's name, the institution here has asked my trusted attorney not to send my deposited money as a favour to help me to become mentally healthy and be patient and chew my food well and have my egg yolk everyday and do not be frightened from darkness and when I grow up could punch big boys.
Carlo DJ
Now, you can understand what was my illness from the time that I came out of my mother’s womb. I was bread-eater in search of a permanent breast to feed me. My life started with advice of Konssool of Faameelee propagated from the radio, dimly understood by that erroneous mind that as a special “favour” to me they should not behave in customary pretending kind behaviour with a stepson. In contrast, they should be harsh, violent and cruel to prevent misunderstanding me as a real sibling; just because I was too good to become spoiled and get my precious time engaged in ploys. At that moment that I found a permanent place, a parenthesis opened in my life. I was not in my main sentence of my life. Instead, I have been living inside a temporary parenthesis, in something strange and paranormal. I changed from dear son of a 'master' to a doomed little lad being a valet in my own household. Destiny of my stepmother at that moment endured a reverse change. A parenthesis closed for her life as a housemaid to the owner of the household. I should gradually convert to a servile valet and end my life where she had started. She planned a short interval of nine years as the preparation period for briefing, and to study me and find the highest quality of service tailored only for me. Then my father died and at that time she couldn’t help not to intervene effectively in full charge. She already had grown to a full feature whore and it could be disappointing for me not to be a side dish of her cuisine, considering the emotional crisis I had at that time.
Carlo DJ
That leads me to tell you the famous story of "A pottage of Axe." It happened when in a cold winter the traveller saw a glimmer of a warm light waving out of the small window of the farmer’s cottage at the side of a leafless ticket. He knocked the door asked for being allowed to pass the night at the cottage. –“No inn we are running!” Snapped the farmer’s wife. Traveller said, “Only an hour to become warm and dry and then I leave!” He was permitted to go inside. When he settled at the side of chimney, he enquired, “Can I have something to eat? I can smell bread.” –“We are not running luncheonette!” shouted the lady from the other corner. – “Well, my lady if you pardon my rudeness, I can make it myself if you can provide me few ingredients.” – “We are poor farmers and the lord has taken all the harvest and we chew bark of trees!” said the farmer’s lady. Man said, ”I see the hot water pot on chimney and the axe on the wall. I can prepare some pottage of axe for me and I do not want anything else and I guarantee the safe return of axe back to you and perhaps you honour me by joining to enjoy this exotic dish with me.” Lady, this time with a milder inspecting tone asked, “What? What is that and you said what do you need to cook it?” Man found him on the right course retorted, “Only that pot of hot water and that axe and a pinch of salt!” Lady gaily brought things for the traveller who put the pot on fireplace and added the axe and the salt to it. After five minutes he tasted the boiling water and said, “Delicious! But lacking a little of something!“ – “What is that!” asked lady amazingly. “Some dried vegetable to bring smell of summer to it!” Lady disappeared in a small box room at the back and man heard croak of a larder hinge. Lady came back with a bowl full of dries green beans and other vegetables that man added to the pot. After ten minutes traveller tasted the pot and said, “Excellent! It is a pity! We need some dried herbs to give a taste of spring to this pottage of axe!” Again the man heard croak of the ladder door and a full cup of dried chives and basils and thymes and other herbs. Not more than ten minutes passed that the man enquired, “By some chance can you find some pulse from the autumn harvest?” For the third time the lady went to the larder and back with some barley and lentil and other things. Minutes passed and the man tasted the boiling pot again, but to the watching eyes of farmer’s family didn’t utter any complaint. At this time the farmer who tersely was following the scene moved impatiently in his rock chair and volunteered, “I kept few rashes of pork in cellar for the winter. Will you please add them to pottage? It is cold and fatty meat makes it more palatable.” When he was disappearing down the hatch, the wife shouted, “And bring that jug of cider. It is chilled and good for appetite!” After an hour the traveller took the axe out of the pottage and washed it in the basin and respectfully gave it to the farmer’s wife while the farmer’s children were merrily busy setting the table with embroidered table cloth and fresh pieces of bread and matured cheese, and boiled goat milk and raisin cookies. When the man was guided for sleep to guests’ room in the garret they were jollily talking and laughing and the axe was hanging on the wall only boiled with no reason, but to feed a glut traveller.
Carlo DJ
"A national disgrace
(Tuesday 03 February 2009)
BRITAIN'S treatment of its most vulnerable has gone far beyond a national disgrace.
The contents of the Prison Reform Trust study released today do nothing to dispel this picture. They certainly blow the lid off the impact of heartless Thatcherite policies in the NHS and beyond.
It is now 16 years since the Mental Health Act enacted the biggest changes to Britain's mental health system. Though that Act brought the days of dark, Victorian-era "mad houses" to an end, it came with a vicious sting in its tail.
As property speculators made millions upon millions redeveloping this sizeable estate, the NHS was steadily starved of cash.
The Tories' lofty claims that "care in the community" would revolutionise mental health care were hollow. Its own hunger to cut state spending sealed the new system's fate. All too often, when the budget axe has fallen, mental health services - as well as care for the elderly - have been first up for the chop.
The closure of a local accident and emergency department is guaranteed to spark local protest. The frail and the vulnerable without a voice can be dealt with a lot more quietly. All too often, instead of receiving care and readily available support in the community, people are being left to fend for themselves because of budget and staffing shortfalls. While many people suffer from mental health issues in their lives and while many of these people subsequently recover, too much is still left to chance and medication. And the details of the study to be released on Wednesday suggest that the long-term impact of the Tories' cut-price plan has been nothing short of criminal. Britain's prison population has hit record highs. Can it be pure coincidence that 70 per cent of prisoners are estimated to have mental health problems?
"The most common explanation was that care in the community has failed," notes the Prison Reform Trust. "An under-resourced mental health service in the community had resulted in large numbers of people with serious mental illness being drawn into the criminal justice system." Prisons, which are faced with their own staffing and budget crisis, have become a dumping ground for complex cases. Untrained and stressed-out prison officers are being forced to segregate difficult cases instead of being able to help them. The era of bleak, Gothic hospitals has been replaced by a throwback to an even earlier, unwelcome past. The statistics speak for themselves, with reconviction among cases redirected into the mental health system standing at 28 per cent, half the figure among the general prison population. Until this silent tragedy is confronted, it will remain the vulnerable, the workers on the front line and society as a whole that pay the price. And it is fitting that the last word on this matter is given to Brian Caton of the Prison Officers Association. This former prison officer and psychiatric nurse knows better than most the dismal ins and outs of Britain's mental health shame.
"Prisoners with serious mental health problems should be in secure, safe hospitals where the staff are trained to care for them and prepare them to be returned to society.
"At the moment, we are releasing people at the end of their prison term who have worse mental health problems than when they came in."
Need anyone say more?"
Quoted from "Stella of Morning" newspaper comment as dated.
Story of "Axe Pottage" has a great lesson of how prudently one might act. You should take that lesson. And by the way do not invest on that newspaper. Nobody reads that in this country.
Yanis
That newspaper now a day is more diversified than it was fifty years ago and includes newer contributors and audience than traditionally should have. Still, not more than fifteen thousand sells in each daily issue, it is believed. And I guess they accept coercive traditional psychiatry in some reformed shape, as already said when brought case of Althusser.
Carlo DJ
But for the "Pottage," it is a lesson for the traveller not for the axe. Axe notices that they just used him. He was not part of any feast. They just boiled him cruelly.
Carlo DJ
Now, you ask the "axe" what was his biography that they decided to boil him in the pottage. He should say that he was iron ore and an oak tree in a forest and they cut a part from each of these two and made an axe from them and they put it in the shop. And,... and the shop owner used to boil the axe frequently until the farmer bought it for chopping logs and it was dangled there until this traveller came to his cottage and he was plotting for a meal. When the scheme came to its mind the traveller looked around and by chance sighted the most available item around and selected it as the object of shenanigan. And at the end there was nothing about the "axe", whether it was a high quality steel and wood produced in NASA or a poor quality axe produced by wandering gypsies.
Carlo DJ
Body language of the axe was in a way that attracted attention of the traveller. Perhaps it was hung there in a sexy way.
Yanis
Not a bad allegation. Perhaps the axe had a leather jacket or was topless. That is for axe. For me you should ask if I sleep with train of Monaco besides other trains. You can find empty bottles of wine an stubs of cigarettes next to rail track. It is a novel deviance.
Carlo DJ
In "Vedo Nudo" movie, Dino Risi shows a rural man who has been taken to a court of law by an old lady on allegation of raping a hen belonging to the lady. Defendant tries to put all blames on chicken that has deceived him into action by intriguing behaviour and lustful noises. In another episode a man has affairs with passing trains. Her wife became jealous on the idea that he might have affair with train of Monaco, besides other trains. That then is intolerable at all.
Carlo DJ
Story of “Axe Pottage” ends in episode “L'oro di Napoli.” Here the poor street entertainer asks the bully mobster after he impose himself for dinner to stay for one night as a “favour.” If you read the English subtitle it is translated correctly “as a favour” not “please” from the intonation of actor. Then he stays at his home for twenty years. Clown has to go into the streets and brings back small money to provide for the hooligan who came as a guest and would not leave. The minstrel, his wife and his daughter are also subject of beating and violent behaviour of the mobster boss. They should wash and cook for him. Twenty years they are prisoners in their home without being able to raise their concern. They are lucky that they are not confronted with a paranormal phenomenon and could rebel and through the man out when he became wrongly diagnosed as having a heart failure and should stay in a silent place. The family start to create noises and throw him out. They have their first christmas in privacy of their own after twenty years. The gangster become informed that the diagnosis was wrong and comes back in surprise and make a crap of their feast table, but has to leave.
Carlo DJ
He should not ask the gangster, to stay as a favour or for any reason.
Yanis
log
Perhaps he expected to become in charge of bribes and prostitution, in compensation of favour. Gangester knew that even if he offers such a favour the kind hearted man sooner or later would bankrupt him or the man rejects.
The answer to your question is that the clown was an average human and what else do you expect. He just says, "Please stay at us. It is a favour." He just acts naturally as one should. He is not a plotter. He is just an "everybody" son of a gun with all related attributes. His opponent should have "why's." He should answer and defend and justify, not the victim. Definitely the victim has had body language and signs and symptoms that have attracted the parasite on his life. That signature does not endorse legitimacy of his harassment. It takes me to correct question that you didn't ask: "Why he did not complain to police and raise his concern during the first three months as legislations of mother f*ckers all around the world requires, otherwise it is a sign of consent." It is because of the reality of society that underdog cannot go to police as we already discussed in the case of the hooker who complains from her pimp. Police and legislations are committed to protect the more powerful. Perry Mason or Sherlock Holms are legend because they do not allow you become victim of power due to your lack or shortage of social skills. Law and police and (psychiatry in industrialed world) put your social skill in trial not the truth of your assertions. But actually you are not supposed to have that skill in its consumate. Similar to the fact that police and judges do not know quantum mechanics and are not able to jugles flares in front of audience. If you become that much skilled you do not become street entertainer you become lawyer in an office.
Hence there are plenty of leverages to exploit weaker people. In the case of the British man who had raped his two daughters for twenty or thirty years, daughters had telephoned to some social authorities those ignorant beasts had played down the complaint and had intimidated those condemned girls of revealing their identity.
Clown and his family only could curse the gangester when he was not around and with low voices lest neighbours inform him and they had to show a nice face to him, otherwise perhaps he would put their house on fire.
Carlo DJ
For this reason there are thousands of cases in the US that students of law study them by giving enough time to themselves about people who were convicted even to capital punishment without being able to defend themselves. For this I said that we are not sure to believe that those inmates in super-max prison are undergoing the consequences of their choice. Part of social skill of authorities is to give enough time for inspecting each case and have correct people themselves. They lack it. How do you expect anybody falling in these hands may ever become salvaged from his own vile or viles received from the society?
Carlo DJ
I get to the end of story of "Pottage." I asserted that somebody reads my mind remotely with all precisions and details that I do, except that that mind reader cannot experience me. This is not important. I am sitting here and tell you that I am reading mind of a remote individual and tell you what he is doing and any moment and what is his where about. Assume you can check the correctness of this assertion carefully. What of such experience is related to that remote target? Why should he become aware of such experience even if you can remotely kill him? Assume you are scientists. What is the role of target in your science? Assume that due to some illness it has become possible to read his mind. Still, that knowledge has no use for the target. Assume this art has usages for military and intelligence or business or market or whatever. Again those do not open any relevance to knowledge of target of such painful condition. It has nothing to do with him. Scientist talk among themselves about stars and quarks and strings, why should I become informed in the uphill of my rural place and become concerned about crunch of galaxies inside the black holes? It is for this. Now, the mind reader and its gang come ahead and assert that since this target is sick we read his mind and we have a cure for it. And that cure is by some chance is provided by sadistic suffering of him. One should not ask why the cure implicates suffering of target? Why he should not be paid hundred pounds a day and goes to dancing and live in luxury residents and be attended by nice polite companions and such things? Well, if you are scientist why you do not put these things on the test? Perhaps they come useful. Why he should not take paracetamol everyday? Perhaps it is the remedy. Why he should not go into the hot tub or cold tub or every day not make a turn round a certain cliff in certain region of Amazon or Antarctica turns five time then jumps three time up and not doing these things. Who knows? Has anybody ever examined these solutions? Why the theory just implicate depriving and taking. Assume now that the theory is such that. One should show that it has had a positive effect. Why they continue keeping me in incarceration? I have a short time to live and have most of it behind me. No symptom of me has ever changed. Nothing in my behaviour, or attitude or demeanours has changed from twenty years ago. There is no measurable thing that proves that I was bipolar at that time with certain symptoms and now I am better or that condition is under control. Only my flesh is in detention without any physical medical help or social support of the type of my native country or this modern society. I have no role in this "Pottage" except being boiled.
Carlo DJ
By the chance in my language they say, "He is not well-cooked," or, "He is uncooked and raw and should be older and cooked." The irony is that it is true if you do not choose "axe" for cooking. It never cooks.
The article in the articles section of this website regarding Hare ideas investigate that idea about a "construct" notion. That construct exists actually, even in microbes. When you make their very existence endangered they cover themselves inside a hard layer of hog or something. We can remember the little girl who was in psychiatry hospital from age of nine-month and they believed she had a so-called IQ of sixty-five. Even she knew she should not be cured by coercion. Not "she," but something very sacred in nature knows that she should not be cured by coercion and intimidation and nature was defending that sacred freedom. Your child in the womb knows it. You know that it is better that one bird dies but flight survives.
Carlo DJ
So there is an axe down there that does not cook. This is the axe that we read in the book of Abraham. He definitely even by study of sane scholars was target of satanic ritual of human sacrifice. Hence he was in a similar situation. When society were not around, in a moment of impulse, he took the axe and brook all the idols symbolizing the satanic society, but the most sacred one and put the axe in ITS hands. Well, that vessel of un-holiness who was around, I mean Ahriman, the mind reader, not the big idol, knew that it was the work of Abraham who broke the idols. Hence people took him. For this reason, it is said that Messiah is the only part remains as godly in the material world.
Carlo DJ
Scholars believe that until almost a century or so after Solomon. There is no evidence of those people mentioned in Old Testament. And even after that there are only evidence of usual kings endeavoured in usual affairs of kings such as fighting and looting and building palaces and exploiting and suppressing people. Even in our book we read that when queen of Sheba was told that a king Solomon was expediting to her country, she said that if a king goes some city he makes a crap out of that city. But Solomon was different. He was so mild that animals were talking with him. We know from recent knowledge of human being such as Freud and Jung that these stories are not vain. From the beginning I said that we have colossal evidences such as pyramids that fill our sights such that we ignore humans who have been behind them. At certain times we even were ignorant to them, believed that those were made by Jennies and ghouls not our own fathers or even built by aliens from other planets. We said that they were like our geek engineers and project managers and accountants with similar intelligence and seriousness. Besides those building, they had stories. These stories are similarly evidence of something real. They were sure that that lightning is a real thing and it is not shinning spear and they were sitting years to study it. Story of Abraham had a vast spread among far society as we trace it back and has left tangible symbols and evidence in shape of that cube and its surroundings and stories related to those rituals. It is beautiful. How everything matches together.
Carlo DJ
This that those building were built by aliens is unusual since we should think that those advanced civilisation were also should to pass in an earlier stages from a pyramid or similar construction era to be able to reach to abstraction of shapes and numerals and administration. What is the abstraction of ancient stories parallel to their buildings? Their buildings became a myth for later generations who forgot those real human builders of their own ancestors. They couldn’t accept such thing ever could happen. But we know that if they hadn’t done them in that scale there was no mathematics. We know that you if it was not for such a vast dissemination of calculations, later Euclid couldn’t abstract them in logical chain of theorems. Similar to the assertion that life origins not from the earth due to the fact that we have observed amino acids in spectrum of galactic dusts. Then how those amino acids were created. If we cannot solve a question something so near to us then how can we solve it by observing sky? We cannot exhaust a question to equivalently difficult question. You should think what is the abstraction in those stories why names such as Abraham and Solomon and Job became hero and name of those great builders and kings became forgotten. The only building that Abraham built was a cubic shape out of mud and he couldn’t build a ceiling for it. He covered the roof with felt. He wanted to make it with stones but he could move only one stone that he left it next to the door and called it ‘hand of god’ as the symbol of his own godly hand such that future people could shake hand with him.
Carlo DJ
Not that the story of Abraham is written in this way anywhere. They say angels came from sky and that single stone came from heaven and such things. It is correct, but in the similar way that is correct for me. If you come to me here and noticed any of such things then you could see them for Abraham or Jesus or others. If there were such facilities then people would swarm to prophets not that stoning them. It should be almost impossible to believe. Until your mind make a quantum leap into the world that exists for them. Then the future of your path becomes separated from the other. Similar that you pass a Stern-Gerlach machine of your own then you'll have another destiny. You can remember [decision | actor | whim] and how many options exist? You break a was and through it into the air and suddenly, amazingly watch pieces find each other and stick together and give your vase back.
Carlo DJ
As my physical health becomes worse, I have to curtail many points. I reached to the place that they pretended in my country that there was a favour to me that people have been asked to behave annoyingly with me. I had many friends at the beginning. One of them was (in the new regime) deputy of prime minister in scientific affairs (when country had structure of having a pm), and faculty of a university and expectedly with some intelligence responsibility. He used to come to the institute that I was working once a week from the lunchtime to the evening. And we always had lunch together, from the same plate. We do that thing in that country. We share the same plate. I heard the first cue from him. It was later that I understood he meant it. It was something related to sex. We had many mild humour always among friends related to women. For example, he used to tell me that if I do not marry with a ‘two times nine’ right then, then I have to marry a ‘two times eighteen’ later, such things. Perhaps you do not know those big beards and even big turbans have a ceramic thing under their pillows for the lady call it spare wheel, still when it comes to sex in formal dialogue and practice they become very sensitive. I understood that since the mind reader “knows,” [IT] has used the sexual, safe, legal, human behaviour of mine, which is not even in the level of Frasier brothers in TV as allegation and evidence of my madness. When somebody like that friend gives such a hint from your bed, you become very frightened in that country. So they told my friend that to fulfil their friendship duty they should help me by annoying me. What happened then? The first person who did it, I never talked again the second I never talked again until the last one. Do you understand? For the sake of friendship they were not friends of mine anymore? So where is the friendship then that remains any duty for it? So in that society with so many official taboos against sex, they moved me for cure of bad sex, to the country of Eastenders, where the young handsome man was killed by pushing a big thing in his rectum, and there is no complain related to people’s attorney to be prosecuted. It was the result of consensual sex. This is all they talked about. It is documented in this country. How? When stupidly they started to imitate the same story (“just like my country”) here. The head of the school used a sexy thing. I was just looking in his eyes. I said in my heart to him, “Don’t do it at home!” Do not worry, Yanis, these are not new insights. I have written these already. “Rumi” who is very well known has one thousand stories and if I survive I write few of them. I assure you that that was safe and healthy and heterosexual just like Frasier’s advising behaviours not those that he wants to criticise. By those stories people who could crucially decide if that should be done to me became abominated and left me alone in [ITS] claws. Many people were cheated to persuade me to escape to abroad. They became convinced that it is because I can get a higher standard of care under humanist ethics of people of west who are not barbaric and savage and nobody become detained when they write articles against the government and speakers’ corner and John Stewart Mill and amnesty international and such things. One was a professor of most credited medical school and consultant of heart who was the last cabinet minister of former regime for higher education and he was banned to go abroad and he was teaching and practicing and he knew me from the former regime. He was one hundred eighty degree different from the other I mentioned above and I no longer was talking with him. He told me in a manner that if I was allowed why not leave my country and stay abroad with my family and it is more consistent with pattern of my life considering that my wife was not practicing veil at home. He prescribed different medicines for my breathlessness; among them when I bought from chemist was a name stellazine something. I searched and understood that it was for “sheezofehrehnee.” This is very important for my record. Before I go to his surgery he had been advised that since I was a psychotic I needed special behaviour to be treated on me designed by the most advanced medical authorities of the world of Americans and civilised world implying persuading me to go abroad and enjoy the highest standard of care. But he couldn’t believe why so much fuss. Everything has a pill and the pill for “sheezofehrehnee” from his personal handbook sent from Los Angeles by his daughter is stellazine. That was the first time I heard of such a medicine. And he had done it as kindly help to me to make a short cut and cure me and get rid of favour of world authorities. This is what they do not understand and here you do not believe. They never in a unified manner obey authority of psychiatry. They never understand that I have been moved here only to make it possible to keep me under detention and police type control not for receiving any care. I have become indefinitely incarcerated without having any medical help or right of appeal. If I complain, like when at the beginning I came here, then I’ll make my prison double; similar to the lion that peed on spectators. They detain me for paranoia and I lose the narrow line of life that has remained in connection with my daughter and my wife.
Carlo DJ
Another thing that I should reiterate is the story of abomb that I said already. I said that it was me that for the first time suggested in direct meeting with the highest of them to start such a project. It was due to the fact that next-door hooligan man was busy and had permission from his masters to use it against us. Also it was my childhood ambition. Time passed and gradually I believed that it had been a delusion that all this recent single top of everyday news of the world is based on my initiation. I used to say no perhaps there were other people with this idea before me. Until a couple of months ago I was searching for something I found somebody else sane credible without knowing me has said the story with some other agenda by a very well pampered defected both by them and by these. You can find five hundred pages on the web mentioning him. US have spent millions to confirm if he was right. It is the story I documented in nineteen ninety four and has received confirmation from ruskas. I became assured that it was definitely happened after my meeting and it is mentioned there that the first idea came from that meeting. If the reader search for related words and add st andrews uni to them he can find the story on the internet. There the people who were with me are mentioned. One we had common writings, reports and correspondence together that I have here with me. He put unveiled picture of his sister in my book to see if I like to marry; very unusual from that level of religious people. Now, I become boisterous of hearing all these news. It is a sign of Messiah being around.
Still, I believe they should build such a facility for them, should they want to remain stable and prevent foreign invasion only to this limit to coexist friendly without fear with the remaining of the world until they decide on gradual changes that they like for themselves without foreign interests be the origin of provocations or their own seasonal impulses.
Carlo DJ
Another thing that I should reiterate is the story of abomb that I said already. I said that it was me that for the first time suggested in direct meeting with the highest of them to start such a project. It was due to the fact that next-door hooligan man was busy and had permission from his masters to use it against us. Also it was my childhood ambition. Time passed and gradually I believed that it had been a delusion that all this recent single top of everyday news of the world is based on my initiation. I used to say no perhaps there were other people with this idea before me. Until a couple of months ago I was searching for something I found somebody else sane credible without knowing me has said the story with some other agenda by a very well pampered defected both by them and by these. You can find five hundred pages on the web mentioning him. US have spent millions to confirm if he was right. It is the story I documented in nineteen ninety four and has received confirmation from ruskas. I became assured that it was definitely happened after my meeting and it is mentioned there that the first idea came from that meeting. If the reader search for related words and add st andrew uni to them he can find the story on the internet. There the people who were with me are mentioned. One we had common writings, reports and correspondence together that I have here with me. He put unveiled picture of his sister in my book to see if I like to marry; very unusual from that level of religious people. Now, I become very excited of hearing all these news. It is a sign of Messiah being around.
Still, I believe they should build such a facility for them, should they want to remain stable and prevent foreign invasion only to this limit to coexist friendly without fear with the remaining of the world until they decide on gradual changes that they like for themselves without foreign interests be the origin of provocations or their own seasonal impulses.
Carlo DJ
I found this beautiful advice related to my case when I was searching if I can find any self help for my numerouse problems:
Quote Begins:
"I'm afraid I find the solutions provided by the dermatologist to such problems rather disturbing, and I hope he or she finds the time to deal with by doubts. It seems to me that steroids (ie hydrocortisone) are the stock solution to every problem. I have had problems with a rash on my scrotum, and have been to a dermatologist on several occasions. The answer is always steroids, or a combination of steroids, antibiotics and fungicides. Certainly in my case the steroids made the problem much worse. Indeed any form of steroid applied to my scrotum causes INTENSE itching and redness. Having said that, I have eczema, and steroids work on other parts of my body, including the face. One should also bear in mind that steroids are powerful drugs, and one should therefore be careful applying them so close to the testicles. In the end the dermatologist gave up - he had no answer beyond steroid creams, with I found very disappointing. My broad conclusions were that one should firstly not worry about the fact that there's a scrotal itch, and one shouldn't apply ointments, firstly because they're a sign of the worry, secondly because they're probably exacerbating the problem. Of course one should also avoid everyday irritants, such as soap and sweaty underwear. But overall, a simple case of an itchy scrotum demonstrates how primitive today's medical science is. In a few centuries time doctors will look back in horror at the late Twentieth Century's love affair with steroids (steroids are used for treating a host of conditions, such as eczema, asthma, ulcertative colitis, rheumatism, arthritis and athletic underperformance). Oh, how we look back in horror at the way doctors used to prescribe Mercury tablets for syphilis (that's why Oscar Wilde's teeth went black)."
Quote ends.
Carlo DJ
And I voluntarily accepted the following advice. I used to go to a fit of shock out of itching. Now, peacefully it is more than two weeks that I have put the following in practice. I am relieved. Still I have itching but that horror has been finished.
Quote begins:
"Lastly break the habit of sitting or laying there and scratching. I used to get in bed and scratch like hell just to get comfortable. The rapid change in body temp from wearing hot shorts to removing them and sliding in between the very cool sheets always made me itch. I believe the rapid cooling shrinks the scrotum so fast it creates hundresds of minor itch sites simultaneously, triggering a habitual scratch session. Get up and do something else. If you are watching TV and feel the urge, go make yourself a cold drink, and a bowl of popcorn. You gotta break the cycle.
Try this. Before bed, shower, dry and put on loose clothing, a robe or just a towel. Don't bundle up and then jump into a cold bed. Cool down, hang loose just before bed so there won't be cold sheets shock.
So now that you have not attached your sack in 5 days, and they are starting to look better, feel soft again. Don't be weak. Instead, reward yourself for making yourself well. Buy a new fishing rod, or wheels for your truck, or a dashmat. Something that you will see/use oten to remind you that you are getting better. Go buy more vitamins, a little pill calendar box will help you remember to take them, keep drinking the water. Buy new underwear. Think about how much better you are feeling. Tell yourself that you are on your way back to good scrotum health. Make an appointment to see your doctor and get a physical- you've probably been putting it off due to the condition of your scrotum. This is a good time to go, reafirming your commitment to your new level of wellness.
You need to work at it everyday now. Good luck"
Quote ends.
Carlo DJ
As I mentioned one gets moral behaviour from external instances of such behaviour.
I said story of my stylus pen and inkpot. We have a lot of great and little poets. Like other languages many people, ordinary people write poetry but only a few become famous and their names go into history of literature. In history of literature we have one poet that they say he had not any valuable poetry and his name should not be recorded by biographer if it was not only for this single verse; " If the teacher's lesson come as a whisper of kind-heartedness, it takes children to school even on weekends." He has written this line seven hundred years ago.
Carlo DJ
One story of Rumi is when he fell in love with a schizophrenic gay, called Shams. Rumi has two big books we are mostly familiar with. Please future reader do not try to find information all from Wikipedi. This tool is not bad but its writing most of the time chase some political hidden agenda, similar to Nobel Peace prize and amnesty international. One famous book of him is twenty thousands lines of verse of love odes each ode ends with the name of that man. Nobody ever could understand what happened to this serious person father of children and teacher of philosophy and theology after meeting the gabbling gibberish man. Some people have collected few parts of talking of that man. One sentence of him is this: "there is no net to captivate the thought with.” “And in the inner side it is all freedom." This sentence I said to one of them at the beginning of my captivity. At that time I didn't know that even in the inner world I am breath to breath to that man eater Cerberus that has deprived me even of seeing the dream of freedom.
Perhaps Shams had only a partial understanding of that.
Carlo DJ
My destiny became like some prostitute in my native place. They were young girls in remote villages. A man, very presentable, comes as somebody working in capital, frequently a mellow old lady accompanying him as courting a girl in the village, the prettiest ones and spending money and legally marry with her. Family become cheated that their loved ones will have a very nice life of city girls with children and dignity and other things. Then he takes her to the brothel and forces her selling her body.
Other cheat they did to my friends and near people about this program was that due to this behaviour I would become shocked and suddenly would be washed out of my illness. Yes, they used washed, such that I become afraid of measures of government and do not go and complain. They did these operations in the most ignoble way in a situation that I had to go door to door everywhere in search of work until I became convinced that I should leave my country in search of a helpful hand abroad. Nothing was washed. Nothing changed except that I became more frenzy and full of symptoms. I repeat [THEY] said I was a particle lunatic and they wanted to make me a classic lunatic. That was said, “WE know you are a foot soldier. WE want to make a general out of you.”
Carlo DJ
Yes, the girl is the prettiest in the village with some secret planning of perhaps going and live in the capital city, and finally that dream ends up to anatomy lab of medical school with an overdosed body or beaten to death to serve promotion of carnal knowledge.
Carlo DJ
Everything in the life of Messiah has a reflection in the pieces of broken vase of all miserable and wretched people on the earth. Future people cannot say, "Messiah only tolerated an hour on the cross. He did not know what is the sufferings of captives."
Carlo DJ
When I was a child I had to tolerate toothache for weeks and months until they took me to dentist to pull it. I lost my first permanent tooth when I was fifteen. Perhaps a couple of years after it came out. Four years, from year eight till year twelve I was begging to take me to optician. My stepmother used to say, "Now, stop showing off you are educated and using glasses. Every body knows that s.o.b. boys who do pigging in the toilet lose their eyesight." This is one word by one word correct copy of what she used to tell me. I was moving from the back row gradually to the first row. In year twelve I couldn't see the board at all. I used to copy from the next-door student. Frequently put my hand on their note when they want to turn the page, to allow me to finish writing. One day they shouted, "Stop your hand. Ask you parents to take you to optician!" At last, they took me there. Optician laughed and told me, after examination, "Where have you been this long time. Are you living in a village? Young people start their glasses from point twenty five. You have started from two point five!"
Carlo DJ
Symmetric to that situation is my present situation that I am captivated in the hand of "sacrificing" stepmother acting as my guardian here. It is years that I have not had dental care eye check-up, blood test. The hell itching in my scrotum now has been added by a discomfort and faint pain and I feel badly tender to examine it myself and everything looks fearsome when I touch. I am paying for private insurance. When I go to them they start to mock me with their middle fingers and talking nonsense to me instead of doing their routine duty they are being paid. They also do not give correct information such that I physically give improving feedback to my body. They change numbers to 6.6 milligram, two hundred over one hundred. They do not make any independent judgement of their own. Only what already had been advised to them. That also applies to my wife and my daughter and my deceased cat. My wife has not been for smear test for seven years. After the death of my cat, I pressured her (as much I could in this situation) and she has gone for the test. We need to be visited by Red Cross and other authorities independent of psychiatry and establishment of this country.
Carlo DJ
Recently I thought they have stopped their operations and I wrote it here and decided to visit the local surgery. To show that I was wrong they came in the midnight and shouted annoying cues. And the next day when I wanted to put bag outside two naughty boys came in the street and shouted harassing hints that I am familiar.
Carlo DJ
There was an interesting thing in the debate of parliament regarding detention of lunatics and it was approved. To defined indefinite detention they reasoned that if the detained person has not any hope for release except by becoming cured or becoming improved then he will be cured and cooperate in his treatment; on the other hand, if he knows that due to the fact that he is not treatable they will release him he does not cooperate and never become improved. This is a very nonsense idea of a terrorist. It is stereotype of a pathological facile because.
Carlo DJ
THEY have kept in detention for twenty years and frequently I have heard this sentence that I shout become hapless to shed down my euphoria state. I should become hopeless of what, bringing children; become a wealthy developer and company owner of building atoms, of marriage of my children, going to Los Angeles? What should I become hopeless of what? My eyes are dim and need to be seen by an optician who is silent and do not talk nonsense and does his job and people do not come in the middle and talk nonsense and shout behind the door about my bedroom and navigator and lumber-jack ok.
Carlo DJ
Another story is the man who asked the sorcerer to write a spell for him such that women fall in love with him. The sorcerer wrote spells on a piece of paper and told him, "You should go to spring forty nights and read this spell aloud, but from the time that you leave your house until you are back from spring you should not think to monkeys, and if it happened that you thought to monkey you should start again!" At that place people never had monkeys except occasionally by travelling minstrels. You bet that the man could succeed.
Carlo DJ
Somehow I lost the threads. I was talking about the "Pottage of Axe." I said that the axe had not any real role in the pottage or in the dinner table. He was just an instrument of use to be suffered for no reason for him or the resulting product. Later, I should challenge all allegations of Yanis. Other thing was DeSica's Busker. He could have any biography like Miranda in "The Collector," or the trapped man in the old mine of "Ace in The Hole." That does not justify they become abused. I have noticed recent reviews on the Internet that struggle to find hints related to personal life of victims to justify or enlighten the tragedy that they endured. It is not a fair approach and is a sign of cruel judgment of writers. It seems they believe there is no evil. They are not consistent with the viewpoint of camera, too. Such interpretations are consistent with spread of apocalypse that seeks destruction of humanity.
Carlo DJ
Similarly in the story of honourable Deputy-Sister Linda Bigwood A REVIEW OF 'THE KERR-HASLAM INQUIRY', nobody goes and discuss about childhood of sacrificed lady. What is the significance of that? She protested to a very 'minor' incidence in her work place. They made a crap of her life, chasing her everywhere, lest she might to a serious position in society. Perhaps she could immigrate to Australia on the other side of planet. I bet the perpetrators could find a friend of theirs in a senior position to her to continue her persecution. I understand from the story that they were in governance of contingencies. What is the significance of Miranda's childhood and anything she was engaged in her private life to justify her being captured and be executed in the hands of the predators, and I like her story best of all consistent with my own. As one of my antique poets says, "In spite of all moral entrepreneurs, I whim to say my poetry in mischievous way." Her death, every minute that she lived in the horror of that cellar, and her death, the predator who had an exceptional capability are like my life. Her desperate struggle to communicate with somebody outside, her desperate attempt to negotiate in any conceivable way with the predator, offering him book, or her body. Callousness of the predator and the fact that he was wasting the time without having any humanly understandable target to watch her gradual death similar to butterflies in the glass jar and that he did not kill the poor hunt. But she died due to her feebleness in confronting the monster. She died due to cold and neglect: “bemoaned is the prey left in the trap and the trapper had gone.” All are like my story.
Carlo DJ
So, I should write the story after I became incarcerated in the cellar. That needs a more powerful pen and more fluency to foreign language. There is a strange, perhaps unearthly parallel correspondence between what they did to me when I was a child and what happened to me when after birth of my daughter I became captured in this unprecedented way, as if it was reconstructed by instruction of my stepmother and my stepsisters. Since this is very insightful for future anthropologists and psychologists I’ll try to reveal them. They'll be priests of my religion.
Carlo DJ
You know, in the story of Job, his three friends try to reason that the plight happened to him was consequence of his 'sins' or illness or symptoms. Job was hearing "Satan swearing him with dirty comments and also inflicted his body with intolerable physical torture;" as quoted in his story. God says, in the story, that it is not because of any symptoms and sins attributed to Job. It is due to the fact that, "There is actually some being in the world as Satan." It is Satan who is suffering Job. It is the enemy of human who brings the forbidden fruit for man, the knowledge and power of God for man.
Knowledge of "I know!"
Knowledge and power is bad?
Carlo DJ
That story takes us to story of Shelah who was living with people who could build their houses out of stones. The "mind reader" started to chase him. They took everything he had until it remained only his she-camel for him. He didn't milk the camel. He didn't use the camel to breed new camels. He didn't sell the camel. He didn't kill the camel to eat. He didn't ride the camel or carry load on her. Then what was the camel for? She was his companion. He was walking around with her, never on her back. She was his pet! People started to annoy him for legal reasons that her camel is too free and graze their land and if he doesn't use her as a camel they kill him as a sacrifice to idols. Shelah said if you become near that camel or annoy her or kill her, he brings hell on their head. "They decided to show him that they'll do it since they can." Just because they can, they do it though it has not any benefit or use for them. So they killed the camel. The next morning a piece of “sky” fell on them and vanished them from the face of earth.
Carlo DJ
From the camel of Shelah I can open my grief about my beloved cat. She had not a better destiny than me or my daughter or my wife. It was ploy when she was passing blood out and the vet wanted to help cure my mental illness by a circus, carnival, funny method rather than doing his job. When "The Thing" the mind reader and its companion Impostor contact somebody to help them, that somebody becomes elated. They tell him that they want to treat or cure a serious mental illness in the community by doing some harmless amazing funny jokes that arouses a slept mind towards cure and health. So they should be "friendly" mocking. Then those people become shut down due to infliction received to them by stinging of that mind reader. Instead, they forgot their humanity and what a human should do to evaluate the result of his action. They didn't feed my cat for a long month, a cat of four kilograms, until I asked them to do that. Then they pushed a narrow tube in her nose that helped me to feed her and she gained some weight. When they were pushing that tube they were elated and shut down. They were thinking to me not to their job. so that tube was pinched in a point, without being noticed by them. Hence, it clogged. They put a second one but to show that they are powerful and they know what I think about them they pushed a large gauge tube in her stomach that injured her delicate nostril, mauled it savagely. I feed her and she was so recovering, so responsive, trying to toss and roll for me, sleeping so calm under my duvet. We had covered all carpets with old sheets because after going out she couldn't clean herself. I was hugging her all the time. We were ready to stay awake and care her. The morning that we wanted to put her in the cage to take to fifth chemotherapy, she was powerfully pushed her little paws in the pillow. She was sleeping on the pillow eye to eye to me, as always when my wife was at night shift. My wife was back from night shift taking her to vet, leaving her there. When she went to sleep, at half-past ten they called her in her sleep. I was in bathroom shaving my head, since it was becoming too dishevelled. They didn’t say anything asked my wife to go immediately to vet. She went half sleep there. They told her that “Dolce” should be put to sleep forever since they believe she hasn’t gained weight. It was on the circumstance that a couple of days before that vet had said that “Dolce” was doing well. They put her off in hands of my wife. They killed her based on what I was thinking about that what a relief would be if we could keep her alive for a decent few more years. During last twenty years when I wanted to patch something, if they can access to it they destroy it to prevent me to become happy of any achievement. That has happened for my wife’s education and carrier and for my daughter’s.
This cat became my all the time companion of my loneliness, like my mother and sisters that I never had, like my wife and my daughter who are in a glass prison, in a glass jar in front of me and I cannot touch them, in sleep I am walking to them with my distance becoming more and more.
Carlo DJ
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